Thirty-Six and a Half Motives
Page 107

A lump filled my throat as tears rolled down my face.
“I realize I probably need more in my life, too.”
“You’re leaving me,” I choked out. “Because of the Lady in Black. Because of my association with Skeeter.”
“No, but it brings up a good point. Jed Carlisle is your friend”—he squeezed my hand when I started to protest—“I know there’s nothing between you. He cares for you as a friend. But we both know that Jed—and Skeeter—have a reputation. A reputation that could hurt me with your association with them.”
“You want me to not be friends with them?”
“No, Rose. The opposite. You have no idea how relieved I’ve been knowing Jed was watching over you when I wasn’t there. That he shows up as your bodyguard when you put yourself into dangerous situations.” He gave me a sad smile. “And yes, you will find yourself in one again. You can’t help it. They find you. But I want to know you’re as protected as possible. And that means having Jed Carlisle there to watch over you.”
“And Skeeter.”
His eyes darkened. “And Skeeter Malcolm.”
“There’s nothing between us, Mason. I would never cheat on you.”
“Sweetheart, you are the last person I would think capable of cheating.”
“Then what?” I asked.
“He loves you, Rose. You have to know that.”
“He’s never made an advance.”
A wry smile lifted his mouth. “Which only proves my point.” He shook his head. “I’m off track here. The point is they are your friends—loyal friends—who could hurt my reputation and career if it became known that you’re friends with them. And you’re right, I love what I do. I love seeking justice . . . on the right side of the law. I’m not ready to give it up. Your friendships could end my career.”
“You want me to choose.”
“No. I don’t want you to be forced to choose at all. I’m choosing for both of us. I’m making the choice to end us before we hate each other for things we’re not ready to change.”
“You’re breaking up with me,” I said in disbelief. How was this happening? But I had to acknowledge that he was saying everything Neely Kate, and Jonah had already said. He was confirming things I’d told myself. Deep in my gut, I knew he was right, but my heart refused to accept this. Why couldn’t love be enough?
Tears filled his eyes. “My hope is that I can give you time. Time to live your life without having to answer to someone else. And my hope—” His voice broke. “My hope is that someday you’ll still want me. That this isn’t goodbye forever. I’m fully aware that you might end up with someone else, but it’s a risk I need to take.”
“I love you, Mason. I don’t want to be with someone else. I don’t want this to be the end of us.” But he was right. His life and mine were at odds that could destroy his career.
He pulled my lips to his and gave me a gentle kiss. “I’m not calling it an end. I’m hoping it’s an interlude. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you, Rose. We love each other so much, but sometimes love just isn’t enough.” A sad smile covered his face. “Maybe it’s a matter of timing. When you’re ready to settle down, maybe I’ll be ready to give up working as a district attorney and have more time for you and a family. Maybe we’ll work then.”
He loved me. There had to be a way to work this out.
“But we can’t stay away from each other. This will never work,” I said softly. “The other day was proof of that. I broke up with you, but we couldn’t stay away.” Would my inability to stay away from Mason destroy him? Would he hate me for it? I couldn’t bear the thought of that either.
“I know. Which is why I called the attorney general after I left you in the stairwell and accepted the job he’d offered me in Little Rock.”
I took a step backward, bumping into a chair. “You did what? Without talking to me first?”
He looked heartbroken. “I knew I needed to give us space.”
“When?” I choked out.
“I was supposed to start at the first of the month, but losing half my liver has put a damper on that.” He grimaced. “I’ll go as soon as I can make it happen. But I have a favor to ask of you, even though I have no right.”
I nodded, trying to hold by my tears. While I knew this was probably the right decision, my heart was being ripped apart. “What?”
“Will you look out for my mother? She loves it here, and she’s made so many friends. But sometimes she gives too much. Just make sure she takes care of herself.”
“Of course. I love Maeve.”
“She loves you, too.”
We were silent for an unbearable moment.
“So that’s it?” I asked, crying again. “I’m supposed to just walk out and say goodbye?” How did I walk away from the man I’d planned to spend the rest of my life with?
“Not goodbye, Rose. I hope it’s not goodbye.”
I wanted to hate him for breaking my heart. But there was no denying the truth in what he was saying. I had felt free over the last week. I would destroy his career. We would resent each other.
I would rather let us go now while we still loved each other than later, when we would surely be at odds and be filled with hate and resentment.
Because I loved him. I loved him more than I’d ever loved anyone before. But he was right.
Sometimes love wasn’t enough.
No.
That wasn’t true. Love was enough.
Sometimes it was the only thing that gave us the strength to do what needed to be done.
 
 
Chapter 35
 
 
I sat on the front porch of my farmhouse, covered in a thick blanket while I watched Muffy play in the yard. I was making a slower recovery than the doctor had expected, so he still hadn’t cleared me to go back to work, even after a couple of weeks. I didn’t tell him that he didn’t have a medicine to cure my true ailment.
I knew from experience that only time could heal a broken heart.
Mason had been released from the hospital a few days before. I hadn’t told anyone about our official breakup—and I was pretty sure he hadn’t talked about it either—but we’d been apart for a week before the factory fire, so no one really asked.