This Regret
Page 56
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She just stands there as I jump back into my truck, drive it into the garage and close the door behind me.
“Shit!” I pound my fist into the steering wheel, causing the horn to sound. I’m so f**king angry and confused right now and I can’t get the image of Phoenix’s body wrapped up in my arms out of my head. She’s all I can picture.
I storm through the house, knocking random things down around me. One night with this damn girl and already I can’t function and touch anyone else. Sex is supposed to be my release. Why the hell can’t I relieve this shit with Maxine then? I know the answer to that question. Ever since Phoenix walked through that door of the shop, I haven’t been able to picture myself being close to anyone but her. I’m losing my shit.
Chapter Fourteen
Phoenix
The steaming water drips down my face, running over my heated, red flesh, but I can’t seem to shake the chill running deep within me. Goosebumps prickle my ignited skin as thoughts of Kellan breeze through my mind, burning me to my core. My skin tingles as if it remembers every touch. Running my hands over my face, I lean against the back wall of the shower, taking deep breaths, as I close my eyes. I'm trying to block out images of his face and the way his skin caused electrical sparks when brushed against mine, making it feel raw and heated to the touch.
His lips were soft and smooth, yet his kisses were rough and firm, consuming me, shattering my soul. The way his tongue ran over my lips and down my body, hungrily tasting me in my most secret places, as if he was a starving man, leaves me with a need. A need to once again look into his eyes as he pushes himself inside me, filling me deep, branding the memory to forever stay in my mind, making it impossible for anything else to compare. Being with him was better than I could have ever imagined. Everything about him is even more beautiful now than before and I have a want for him that runs so deep I can barely talk around him, let alone breathe. One look stuns me, leaving me reeling for several minutes after. The thoughts of that roof top tryst take over every part of me, keeping me up at night, making it hard to function during the day and making me want to fall asleep just to dream about him.
“What am I doing? This is ridiculous.” I slap my hands beside me into the wall as I tilt my face up, trying to wash away my thoughts. I am drained and beyond frustrated in more ways than one and I only have myself to blame for letting things go too far. He said so himself we were a mistake. Yet he gave his body to me and the moment we shared felt like pure bliss, making me feel complete again for the first time in years.
Focusing on my breathing pattern, I watch my chest rise and fall while fighting to gain control. I take one last deep breath before pushing myself away from the wall and reaching over to turn the water off, letting the remainder wash over my skin before stepping out. I need to get out of here and to Jen’s before I give myself a nervous breakdown. My nerves are already shot today, due to Adric’s birthday, but having to deal with all the other screwed up things right now is proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with since Adric’s death. I promised myself I’d be strong and there’s no time to break these promises.
I quickly dry off and wrap the towel around me before making my way down the empty hall and to my room. The house seems to be empty. It’s so quiet and peaceful compared to what it’s been the last couple days. My mom and Zoe must be at the store picking up something for Adric’s grave. This is the one day of the year I know for a fact they go and visit him. I usually wait until late at night when the world is sleeping, before I make my appearance. I always thought going alone would hurt less, if there were no one to see my tears. Last night changed my mind and opened it to new possibilities. Having Kellan there somehow made it more bearable.
I open the door and step into the coziness of my room, which I haven’t slept in for days, softly closing the door behind me. The beautiful blues and silvers making up my room, remind me so much of Adric. They were his favorite colors. That’s why I chose these colors for my room. He used to sing me to sleep, sitting on the edge of my bed. It helps to ease the pain sometimes and comfort me on a bad day, like a piece of him is still here.
Looking up from the shagginess of my silver rug, I fall backwards into the door, almost dropping my towel to the floor, when I notice who’s sitting on my bed.
“Oh shit! Don’t do that to me.” I place my hand over my heart and rest my head against the back of the door, scolding myself for being so damn jumpy.
Kade is lying on his back in my bed with his hands pressed to his face. He props himself up on his elbow and motions for me to come over to the bed when he notices my jumpy reaction. “Why do you look so shaken up? I’m not even naked yet,” he says with a playful smirk. “Come here.”
Oh no. This is not on my list of things to do today. I know I have to tell Kade about Kellan, but not now. Not today dammit. Why didn’t I make sure I took away all of his stupid spare keys? This is going to sting for the both of us. We’ve been friends for too long and even though we never really made things between us clear, there was a small thing happening with us and even I can’t deny that.
I grip my towel, holding it over my body as I take a seat on the edge of the bed, keeping a safe distance. I turn beside me to look at him as he sits straight up, undressing me with his eyes. He looks tense, as if he has something he wants to say, but doesn’t know how to say it; therefore, I decide it’s best for me to break the silence before it gets too unbearable. “Kade. What are you doing here? I’m about to leave with Jen soon. Why didn’t you call first?”
He looks me in the eyes and my stomach drops like I’m going downhill on a roller-coaster, except this isn’t quite as fun and I forgot my nausea pills. He bore's into me, marking me in his mind. My nerves are going wild now and I can’t seem to sit still as I stare back at those baby blues. What the hell is he thinking? Does he know already?
“Did you forget something at my house yesterday when you ran off?” He pulls the spare key out I had made for him after that day I left my keys on Kellan’s bike. “It’s pretty big and kind of hard to forget about, Phoenix. Why did you run off without saying anything to me? I looked for you for hours, thinking you were somewhere within the crowd. That was an ass**le move to make.”
I pull my eyes away from his and pull my towel tighter, clamping each end, squeezing it between my fingers. How the hell do I answer that? There’s really no easy way to bring up this matter. I clear my throat and lay flat on my back, preparing to let him down easily before things become too complicated for either of us to handle. “I left with Kellan.” I swallow hard as his jaw muscles tighten into hard steel and his nostrils flare as he looks down at me. He looks extremely pissed, like he owns me and I can’t make my own decisions. I’m not a little girl anymore.
“Shit!” I pound my fist into the steering wheel, causing the horn to sound. I’m so f**king angry and confused right now and I can’t get the image of Phoenix’s body wrapped up in my arms out of my head. She’s all I can picture.
I storm through the house, knocking random things down around me. One night with this damn girl and already I can’t function and touch anyone else. Sex is supposed to be my release. Why the hell can’t I relieve this shit with Maxine then? I know the answer to that question. Ever since Phoenix walked through that door of the shop, I haven’t been able to picture myself being close to anyone but her. I’m losing my shit.
Chapter Fourteen
Phoenix
The steaming water drips down my face, running over my heated, red flesh, but I can’t seem to shake the chill running deep within me. Goosebumps prickle my ignited skin as thoughts of Kellan breeze through my mind, burning me to my core. My skin tingles as if it remembers every touch. Running my hands over my face, I lean against the back wall of the shower, taking deep breaths, as I close my eyes. I'm trying to block out images of his face and the way his skin caused electrical sparks when brushed against mine, making it feel raw and heated to the touch.
His lips were soft and smooth, yet his kisses were rough and firm, consuming me, shattering my soul. The way his tongue ran over my lips and down my body, hungrily tasting me in my most secret places, as if he was a starving man, leaves me with a need. A need to once again look into his eyes as he pushes himself inside me, filling me deep, branding the memory to forever stay in my mind, making it impossible for anything else to compare. Being with him was better than I could have ever imagined. Everything about him is even more beautiful now than before and I have a want for him that runs so deep I can barely talk around him, let alone breathe. One look stuns me, leaving me reeling for several minutes after. The thoughts of that roof top tryst take over every part of me, keeping me up at night, making it hard to function during the day and making me want to fall asleep just to dream about him.
“What am I doing? This is ridiculous.” I slap my hands beside me into the wall as I tilt my face up, trying to wash away my thoughts. I am drained and beyond frustrated in more ways than one and I only have myself to blame for letting things go too far. He said so himself we were a mistake. Yet he gave his body to me and the moment we shared felt like pure bliss, making me feel complete again for the first time in years.
Focusing on my breathing pattern, I watch my chest rise and fall while fighting to gain control. I take one last deep breath before pushing myself away from the wall and reaching over to turn the water off, letting the remainder wash over my skin before stepping out. I need to get out of here and to Jen’s before I give myself a nervous breakdown. My nerves are already shot today, due to Adric’s birthday, but having to deal with all the other screwed up things right now is proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with since Adric’s death. I promised myself I’d be strong and there’s no time to break these promises.
I quickly dry off and wrap the towel around me before making my way down the empty hall and to my room. The house seems to be empty. It’s so quiet and peaceful compared to what it’s been the last couple days. My mom and Zoe must be at the store picking up something for Adric’s grave. This is the one day of the year I know for a fact they go and visit him. I usually wait until late at night when the world is sleeping, before I make my appearance. I always thought going alone would hurt less, if there were no one to see my tears. Last night changed my mind and opened it to new possibilities. Having Kellan there somehow made it more bearable.
I open the door and step into the coziness of my room, which I haven’t slept in for days, softly closing the door behind me. The beautiful blues and silvers making up my room, remind me so much of Adric. They were his favorite colors. That’s why I chose these colors for my room. He used to sing me to sleep, sitting on the edge of my bed. It helps to ease the pain sometimes and comfort me on a bad day, like a piece of him is still here.
Looking up from the shagginess of my silver rug, I fall backwards into the door, almost dropping my towel to the floor, when I notice who’s sitting on my bed.
“Oh shit! Don’t do that to me.” I place my hand over my heart and rest my head against the back of the door, scolding myself for being so damn jumpy.
Kade is lying on his back in my bed with his hands pressed to his face. He props himself up on his elbow and motions for me to come over to the bed when he notices my jumpy reaction. “Why do you look so shaken up? I’m not even naked yet,” he says with a playful smirk. “Come here.”
Oh no. This is not on my list of things to do today. I know I have to tell Kade about Kellan, but not now. Not today dammit. Why didn’t I make sure I took away all of his stupid spare keys? This is going to sting for the both of us. We’ve been friends for too long and even though we never really made things between us clear, there was a small thing happening with us and even I can’t deny that.
I grip my towel, holding it over my body as I take a seat on the edge of the bed, keeping a safe distance. I turn beside me to look at him as he sits straight up, undressing me with his eyes. He looks tense, as if he has something he wants to say, but doesn’t know how to say it; therefore, I decide it’s best for me to break the silence before it gets too unbearable. “Kade. What are you doing here? I’m about to leave with Jen soon. Why didn’t you call first?”
He looks me in the eyes and my stomach drops like I’m going downhill on a roller-coaster, except this isn’t quite as fun and I forgot my nausea pills. He bore's into me, marking me in his mind. My nerves are going wild now and I can’t seem to sit still as I stare back at those baby blues. What the hell is he thinking? Does he know already?
“Did you forget something at my house yesterday when you ran off?” He pulls the spare key out I had made for him after that day I left my keys on Kellan’s bike. “It’s pretty big and kind of hard to forget about, Phoenix. Why did you run off without saying anything to me? I looked for you for hours, thinking you were somewhere within the crowd. That was an ass**le move to make.”
I pull my eyes away from his and pull my towel tighter, clamping each end, squeezing it between my fingers. How the hell do I answer that? There’s really no easy way to bring up this matter. I clear my throat and lay flat on my back, preparing to let him down easily before things become too complicated for either of us to handle. “I left with Kellan.” I swallow hard as his jaw muscles tighten into hard steel and his nostrils flare as he looks down at me. He looks extremely pissed, like he owns me and I can’t make my own decisions. I’m not a little girl anymore.
