But no matter how many times I tell myself that his disappearance from my life is for the best, every thought circles back to him.
Hanna and Lizzy are staring at me with wide eyes.
“What? Can you blame me?”
They exchange a look. “We just thought…” Hanna begins.
“…Based on the way you two look at each other,” Lizzy says before Hanna chimes in with, “We assumed you already…”
“You know,” Lizzy finishes.
“He won’t,” I whine.
“Well, there’s been plenty of eye-fucking between you,” Lizzy says. “We can attest to that.”
I groan. “Lotta good that does me. But, hell, I probably screwed up my chance when I abandoned him at Krystal and Will’s housewarming. He hasn’t called or anything.”
Lizzy chokes on a sip of margarita, her eyes watering. “You left him there?”
“Why would you leave Asher Logan?” Hanna asks.
Lizzy scowls at me. “We are living vicariously through you right now. I cannot stress how important this is. Don’t screw it up for us by acting like that.”
“I panicked,” I admit.
“About what, exactly?” Lizzy asks. “Because that man wanted you.”
I think of Asher’s penetrating gaze, his attempts to knock me off balance, the way he sees more than anyone else. I wave away the question. I don’t know if I could explain sober, let alone now while words elude my grasp.
“Wait,” Hanna says. “You said he hasn’t called you? Have you tried to contact him?”
I cross my arms. “I thought he might be pissed.”
“Yeah, and that’s why you start with an apology.” Lizzy snorts and extends her hand, palm up. “Give me your phone.”
“No,” I say, but Hanna is tossing something to Lizzy across the table. “Hey, give it back!”
“If you can’t be trusted to do this right, then we’ll do it for you.” Her fingers are already flying across my screen, and as hard as I try, I can’t scowl enough to stop her. “There,” she says, handing my phone back.
I snatch it from her hand and open my texts to see what she’s done.
I’m at Brady’s. Wanna fuck?
Hanna peeks over my shoulder and bursts into laughter as my jaw drops.
“I thought you said I need to apologize?”
“Bet you it works,” Lizzy says with a smirk.
“I could kill you,” I mutter.
She grins. “You could text him again and let him know your sister stole your phone or you could wait and see what he says. Either way, you’re contacting him and dealing with the sex question. It’s a win-win.”
The murderous rage I’m feeling must be showing on my face because she hops out of the booth. “I love this song! Han-Han, let’s dance!”
They scurry off to the space in front of the jukebox that we treat as our dance floor, and I’m left smiling despite myself.
The margaritas are catching up with me, and I can’t ignore it much longer, so I head to the restroom. Krystal made sure her little sisters knew early on about the assholes who took advantage of girls’ neglected drinks at parties and bars, so I’m sure to take mine with me.
I weave my way through bar patrons and back toward the dark hallway that holds the bathrooms.
“Hey, Lucy,” a deep voice calls.
I ignore it at first, but the hand on my ass has me grabbing a wrist and spinning around.
A chill spreads over my skin and sweet and sour mix rolls in my stomach. I release his wrist and step back. “What do you want, Kenneth?”
“Nothing,” he says, raking his eyes over me and making me feel exposed in my tank and jean skirt. “Not right now at least.”
I curl my lip—“Not ever.”—and turn toward the bathroom.
I take care of business, wash my hands, and then turn the water cold before splashing my face to cool it, to wash away the memories of being the fifteen-year-old girl the high school boys nicknamed “Lucy.” When I close my eyes, I can still hear them calling out from their lockers, can still feel their knowing eyes on me as I walked down the hall. I can still remember my dad learning about it and telling me, “You get the reputation you earn.”
When the shaking in my hands settles, I pour my drink down the drain. With assholes like Kenny around, the last thing I need is to be blurry-eyed by booze. Or more blurry-eyed, as the case may be.
Guys like Kenny made my high school years hell, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let them have that much control over me as an adult.
I exit the bathroom cautiously, worried Kenny might be waiting. But the hallway is empty and I have to laugh at myself when I see him leaning over the pool table. He’s not a threat. And if he tries to touch me again, I’ll just remind him what I do to the balls of men who grab my ass without permission.
It’s a speech I save for special occasions, but it involves scissors, origami, and a staple gun, and it works like a charm.
The twins are dancing, and I almost want to sneak out, too afraid my mood will erase those beautiful smiles from their faces. I make my way to the dance floor anyway, and force a smile as I sway to the beat.
My eyes are closed when I feel someone press against me from behind. After my interaction with Kenny, I’m jumpy and I stiffen immediately.
“It’s just me, gorgeous.”
My shoulders relax at the familiar sound of Asher’s deep voice, and I melt into him and the music, letting his arms wrap around my waist.
I turn in to face him and wrap my arms around his neck and his hands drop to my sides and tighten on my hips.
“Now isn’t that something,” Kenny calls from the pool table. He’s looking us over and shaking his head. “Fucking rock star millionaire and he’s sleeping with the easiest lay in town. You like ’em loose, Asher?”
Asher freezes and his body goes so stiff against me, I might as well be dancing with a piece of granite.
“Ignore him,” I whisper. “He’s nobody.”
Asher brushes my hair back and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Be right back.”
I wrap my fingers around his biceps and squeeze. “Please. Don’t. For me.”
His jaw is hard as he glares at Kenny across the bar.
“I gotta bounce,” Kenny announces, pulling on his coat.
I tighten my hold on Asher’s arm. He could escape me if he wanted. I know that. But I don’t want him talking to Kenny. I don’t want him giving Kenny the satisfaction of the fight he’s itching for.
Asher’s body is tense and he watches Kenny until he’s out the door. Only then does he turn back to me and pull me into his arms.
I peer up at him through my lashes. “I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s not your fault.” The words are ground out through clenched teeth, and his muscles are still tense under my fingers.
“My reputation comes from the choices I made. I’m responsible.”
“No one deserves to be treated like that.”
There’s nothing I can say, so we dance together in silence until the tick in his jaw lets up and his rigid muscles soften.
When the song changes to something slower, he says, “I was a little surprised to get your text. I hope you haven’t been looking for me. I’ve been out of town all week, just flew back in tonight.”
“I thought you might be angry with me,” I say softly.
“For abandoning me with your family, people I hardly know? What guy doesn’t love that?”
I laugh. “Okay. It was pretty shitty of me.”
“You’re forgiven,” he says, brushing my hair from my face.
“So, do you always come when summoned?” I grin. “Or are you finally going to sleep with me?”
His eyes drop to my mouth. “You only summon me when you’re drunk.”
“It was actually my sisters this time.” I lean my head on his shoulder. “Are you going to use that as an excuse again? Because I’m actually not drunk at all. Just…well lubricated.”
“You know that’s not the only thing stopping me.”
“You know too much about me,” I whisper. “I don’t blame you for not wanting me. You’ve seen too much of who I really am.” Oh God, that sounds like such a pathetic plea for attention that I don’t even have to wait till morning to hate myself for it.
He groans, tugging me against him until I can feel the hard ridge of his erection against my belly. “Maggie.” His mouth is at my ear, a rush of heat as he breathes my name. “Do you think I don’t want the same thing you do?”
His voice is low, for my ears only, and it sends a wicked whip of pleasure through me.
“Do you think I don’t close my eyes and remember exactly what it feels like to slide my hand between your legs? To feel you, wet and swollen for me?”
My breath catches on his words and my heart pounds. I have to avert my eyes. Looking at him while he says these things is too much, too intense.
“Do you think I haven’t thought about what it’s going to be like to spread your legs and taste you?”
My breath hisses out of me, and I look up to see his hot eyes watching me.
“I want to be inside you, Maggie. I want you in my arms and in my bed, and I’ll have you there.” He twirls a lock of hair in his fingers and tugs gently until I lift my chin and look into his eyes again.
I swallow. “What’s stopping you?”
His eyes drift across the bar and I’m not surprised to see them land on Will. This is Will’s favorite place. Is that why I keep coming here? Because I know he’ll show up?
“You saw him kiss me,” I say. “Why don’t you hate me?”
The sway of Asher’s h*ps stalls for two heartbeats before he resumes our dance as if I’ve said nothing.
“I kissed him. Didn’t you see that? I was there with you and I kissed him.”
“Why do you need me to be angry with you?” He trails his fingers down my sides, brushes his thumbs over my belly, his fingertips over the curve of my hip.
“You know things.” I step back away from his touch to make sure he’s hearing me. “You know things that no one else knows. That no one else can know. Do you understand that? You shouldn’t want to be with me. You should want to be with someone…better.”
“Fuck should. I want you.” His hands are on me again and I feel like I’m walking along the edge of a steep precipice, like I might slip over the edge and lose control.
“I keep waiting for you to stop showing up,” I say. “To give up on me.”
“Do you want me to give up? Because I saw the way he was looking at you last week, Maggie. If you want him, he’s yours.”
I blink. Krystal had said the same thing, but they don’t understand that it’s not that simple. “And what if I want you?” I ask softly.
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“You are. You keep coming back. For what? What is this between us?”
He slides a hand into my hair and leads me to lean into him again. “It’s whatever you want it to be, gorgeous. With one exception.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s not just sex. That’s why I won’t sleep with you. I won’t let this be just sex.”
That makes me smile. “Why me, Asher? I’m just some small-town slut with too much baggage. You could have anyone.” I can feel his heart beating against my cheek and its steady pace increases at my question. “Why me?”
“Sweetheart, when you know the answer to that question, we won’t be talking anymore.”
I pull back and blink at him. “You’ll be gone?”
His lips quirk. “I’ll be inside you.”
***
Asher
Maggie feels so amazing in my arms. I don’t want to let her go, even if we are dancing in the middle of a rundown bar. I bury my nose in her hair and inhale deeply. She has me so addicted to her scent, I’m surprised I haven’t tracked down her shampoo for a daily hit.
“We’re getting another round,” Lizzy calls from the bar. “You need one, Mags?”
Maggie cuts her eyes to me before shaking her head.
“You don’t have to stop drinking for me,” I say softly.
“I know. But it’s okay. I’m done.”
“What about you, Asher?” Lizzy asks.
“I’ve got everything I need right here,” I call back, tightening my arms around Maggie.
“Want to sit?” Maggie asks.
I nod and follow her to a booth. She grins when I slide into the same side with her, thighs touching.
When I wrap an arm around her, she settles into me, and I see her ex watching us from across the bar. For the first time, though, Maggie doesn’t seem to notice or care.
“Why don’t you drink?” she asks, peering up through her lashes. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“It’s a condition of my probation.”
She inhales sharply.
“What, like it’s a secret?”
“I…” She licks her lips. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk about it.”
“My past is ugly, and I’m not proud of it, but it’s part of who I am. It made me who I am. I’m not hiding from it.”
She ducks out from under my arm and wraps her arms around herself. “No one’s asking you to.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m doing a fine job of f**king up an otherwise perfect night, aren’t I?” I open my eyes again when I feel her fingers on mine.
Hanna and Lizzy are staring at me with wide eyes.
“What? Can you blame me?”
They exchange a look. “We just thought…” Hanna begins.
“…Based on the way you two look at each other,” Lizzy says before Hanna chimes in with, “We assumed you already…”
“You know,” Lizzy finishes.
“He won’t,” I whine.
“Well, there’s been plenty of eye-fucking between you,” Lizzy says. “We can attest to that.”
I groan. “Lotta good that does me. But, hell, I probably screwed up my chance when I abandoned him at Krystal and Will’s housewarming. He hasn’t called or anything.”
Lizzy chokes on a sip of margarita, her eyes watering. “You left him there?”
“Why would you leave Asher Logan?” Hanna asks.
Lizzy scowls at me. “We are living vicariously through you right now. I cannot stress how important this is. Don’t screw it up for us by acting like that.”
“I panicked,” I admit.
“About what, exactly?” Lizzy asks. “Because that man wanted you.”
I think of Asher’s penetrating gaze, his attempts to knock me off balance, the way he sees more than anyone else. I wave away the question. I don’t know if I could explain sober, let alone now while words elude my grasp.
“Wait,” Hanna says. “You said he hasn’t called you? Have you tried to contact him?”
I cross my arms. “I thought he might be pissed.”
“Yeah, and that’s why you start with an apology.” Lizzy snorts and extends her hand, palm up. “Give me your phone.”
“No,” I say, but Hanna is tossing something to Lizzy across the table. “Hey, give it back!”
“If you can’t be trusted to do this right, then we’ll do it for you.” Her fingers are already flying across my screen, and as hard as I try, I can’t scowl enough to stop her. “There,” she says, handing my phone back.
I snatch it from her hand and open my texts to see what she’s done.
I’m at Brady’s. Wanna fuck?
Hanna peeks over my shoulder and bursts into laughter as my jaw drops.
“I thought you said I need to apologize?”
“Bet you it works,” Lizzy says with a smirk.
“I could kill you,” I mutter.
She grins. “You could text him again and let him know your sister stole your phone or you could wait and see what he says. Either way, you’re contacting him and dealing with the sex question. It’s a win-win.”
The murderous rage I’m feeling must be showing on my face because she hops out of the booth. “I love this song! Han-Han, let’s dance!”
They scurry off to the space in front of the jukebox that we treat as our dance floor, and I’m left smiling despite myself.
The margaritas are catching up with me, and I can’t ignore it much longer, so I head to the restroom. Krystal made sure her little sisters knew early on about the assholes who took advantage of girls’ neglected drinks at parties and bars, so I’m sure to take mine with me.
I weave my way through bar patrons and back toward the dark hallway that holds the bathrooms.
“Hey, Lucy,” a deep voice calls.
I ignore it at first, but the hand on my ass has me grabbing a wrist and spinning around.
A chill spreads over my skin and sweet and sour mix rolls in my stomach. I release his wrist and step back. “What do you want, Kenneth?”
“Nothing,” he says, raking his eyes over me and making me feel exposed in my tank and jean skirt. “Not right now at least.”
I curl my lip—“Not ever.”—and turn toward the bathroom.
I take care of business, wash my hands, and then turn the water cold before splashing my face to cool it, to wash away the memories of being the fifteen-year-old girl the high school boys nicknamed “Lucy.” When I close my eyes, I can still hear them calling out from their lockers, can still feel their knowing eyes on me as I walked down the hall. I can still remember my dad learning about it and telling me, “You get the reputation you earn.”
When the shaking in my hands settles, I pour my drink down the drain. With assholes like Kenny around, the last thing I need is to be blurry-eyed by booze. Or more blurry-eyed, as the case may be.
Guys like Kenny made my high school years hell, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let them have that much control over me as an adult.
I exit the bathroom cautiously, worried Kenny might be waiting. But the hallway is empty and I have to laugh at myself when I see him leaning over the pool table. He’s not a threat. And if he tries to touch me again, I’ll just remind him what I do to the balls of men who grab my ass without permission.
It’s a speech I save for special occasions, but it involves scissors, origami, and a staple gun, and it works like a charm.
The twins are dancing, and I almost want to sneak out, too afraid my mood will erase those beautiful smiles from their faces. I make my way to the dance floor anyway, and force a smile as I sway to the beat.
My eyes are closed when I feel someone press against me from behind. After my interaction with Kenny, I’m jumpy and I stiffen immediately.
“It’s just me, gorgeous.”
My shoulders relax at the familiar sound of Asher’s deep voice, and I melt into him and the music, letting his arms wrap around my waist.
I turn in to face him and wrap my arms around his neck and his hands drop to my sides and tighten on my hips.
“Now isn’t that something,” Kenny calls from the pool table. He’s looking us over and shaking his head. “Fucking rock star millionaire and he’s sleeping with the easiest lay in town. You like ’em loose, Asher?”
Asher freezes and his body goes so stiff against me, I might as well be dancing with a piece of granite.
“Ignore him,” I whisper. “He’s nobody.”
Asher brushes my hair back and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Be right back.”
I wrap my fingers around his biceps and squeeze. “Please. Don’t. For me.”
His jaw is hard as he glares at Kenny across the bar.
“I gotta bounce,” Kenny announces, pulling on his coat.
I tighten my hold on Asher’s arm. He could escape me if he wanted. I know that. But I don’t want him talking to Kenny. I don’t want him giving Kenny the satisfaction of the fight he’s itching for.
Asher’s body is tense and he watches Kenny until he’s out the door. Only then does he turn back to me and pull me into his arms.
I peer up at him through my lashes. “I’m sorry about that.”
“It’s not your fault.” The words are ground out through clenched teeth, and his muscles are still tense under my fingers.
“My reputation comes from the choices I made. I’m responsible.”
“No one deserves to be treated like that.”
There’s nothing I can say, so we dance together in silence until the tick in his jaw lets up and his rigid muscles soften.
When the song changes to something slower, he says, “I was a little surprised to get your text. I hope you haven’t been looking for me. I’ve been out of town all week, just flew back in tonight.”
“I thought you might be angry with me,” I say softly.
“For abandoning me with your family, people I hardly know? What guy doesn’t love that?”
I laugh. “Okay. It was pretty shitty of me.”
“You’re forgiven,” he says, brushing my hair from my face.
“So, do you always come when summoned?” I grin. “Or are you finally going to sleep with me?”
His eyes drop to my mouth. “You only summon me when you’re drunk.”
“It was actually my sisters this time.” I lean my head on his shoulder. “Are you going to use that as an excuse again? Because I’m actually not drunk at all. Just…well lubricated.”
“You know that’s not the only thing stopping me.”
“You know too much about me,” I whisper. “I don’t blame you for not wanting me. You’ve seen too much of who I really am.” Oh God, that sounds like such a pathetic plea for attention that I don’t even have to wait till morning to hate myself for it.
He groans, tugging me against him until I can feel the hard ridge of his erection against my belly. “Maggie.” His mouth is at my ear, a rush of heat as he breathes my name. “Do you think I don’t want the same thing you do?”
His voice is low, for my ears only, and it sends a wicked whip of pleasure through me.
“Do you think I don’t close my eyes and remember exactly what it feels like to slide my hand between your legs? To feel you, wet and swollen for me?”
My breath catches on his words and my heart pounds. I have to avert my eyes. Looking at him while he says these things is too much, too intense.
“Do you think I haven’t thought about what it’s going to be like to spread your legs and taste you?”
My breath hisses out of me, and I look up to see his hot eyes watching me.
“I want to be inside you, Maggie. I want you in my arms and in my bed, and I’ll have you there.” He twirls a lock of hair in his fingers and tugs gently until I lift my chin and look into his eyes again.
I swallow. “What’s stopping you?”
His eyes drift across the bar and I’m not surprised to see them land on Will. This is Will’s favorite place. Is that why I keep coming here? Because I know he’ll show up?
“You saw him kiss me,” I say. “Why don’t you hate me?”
The sway of Asher’s h*ps stalls for two heartbeats before he resumes our dance as if I’ve said nothing.
“I kissed him. Didn’t you see that? I was there with you and I kissed him.”
“Why do you need me to be angry with you?” He trails his fingers down my sides, brushes his thumbs over my belly, his fingertips over the curve of my hip.
“You know things.” I step back away from his touch to make sure he’s hearing me. “You know things that no one else knows. That no one else can know. Do you understand that? You shouldn’t want to be with me. You should want to be with someone…better.”
“Fuck should. I want you.” His hands are on me again and I feel like I’m walking along the edge of a steep precipice, like I might slip over the edge and lose control.
“I keep waiting for you to stop showing up,” I say. “To give up on me.”
“Do you want me to give up? Because I saw the way he was looking at you last week, Maggie. If you want him, he’s yours.”
I blink. Krystal had said the same thing, but they don’t understand that it’s not that simple. “And what if I want you?” I ask softly.
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“You are. You keep coming back. For what? What is this between us?”
He slides a hand into my hair and leads me to lean into him again. “It’s whatever you want it to be, gorgeous. With one exception.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s not just sex. That’s why I won’t sleep with you. I won’t let this be just sex.”
That makes me smile. “Why me, Asher? I’m just some small-town slut with too much baggage. You could have anyone.” I can feel his heart beating against my cheek and its steady pace increases at my question. “Why me?”
“Sweetheart, when you know the answer to that question, we won’t be talking anymore.”
I pull back and blink at him. “You’ll be gone?”
His lips quirk. “I’ll be inside you.”
***
Asher
Maggie feels so amazing in my arms. I don’t want to let her go, even if we are dancing in the middle of a rundown bar. I bury my nose in her hair and inhale deeply. She has me so addicted to her scent, I’m surprised I haven’t tracked down her shampoo for a daily hit.
“We’re getting another round,” Lizzy calls from the bar. “You need one, Mags?”
Maggie cuts her eyes to me before shaking her head.
“You don’t have to stop drinking for me,” I say softly.
“I know. But it’s okay. I’m done.”
“What about you, Asher?” Lizzy asks.
“I’ve got everything I need right here,” I call back, tightening my arms around Maggie.
“Want to sit?” Maggie asks.
I nod and follow her to a booth. She grins when I slide into the same side with her, thighs touching.
When I wrap an arm around her, she settles into me, and I see her ex watching us from across the bar. For the first time, though, Maggie doesn’t seem to notice or care.
“Why don’t you drink?” she asks, peering up through her lashes. “If you don’t mind me asking.”
“It’s a condition of my probation.”
She inhales sharply.
“What, like it’s a secret?”
“I…” She licks her lips. “I didn’t think you’d want to talk about it.”
“My past is ugly, and I’m not proud of it, but it’s part of who I am. It made me who I am. I’m not hiding from it.”
She ducks out from under my arm and wraps her arms around herself. “No one’s asking you to.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’m doing a fine job of f**king up an otherwise perfect night, aren’t I?” I open my eyes again when I feel her fingers on mine.
