“Better?” His voice vibrates against me. I nod with a shy smile.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened just then.” I’m embarrassed about my sudden mood swing. From the edge of tears to a strange jubilation in less than ten seconds flat. He must think I’m crazy, but Ryland just nods.
“Sometimes all you can do is just wait for the storm to pass,”
I give a wry smile. “You sound like my therapist. They were always saying stuff like that in rehab.”
Ryland freezes against me. I can feel every muscle tense.
“Rehab?”
Crap.
I gulp, looking up at him. My stomach trembles as I take a breath and admit it. “I spent some time there, earlier this year.”
I search his face, hoping for understanding, but it’s like a mask has suddenly slammed down. The warm, teasing smile is gone. Ryland looks at me coldly.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
“It’s not exactly something I’m proud of,” I say, looking down. He steps back, away from me, and I feel the cool air where his embrace used to be.
I shiver. “It was just a few months,” I explain quickly. “I needed some time, to get over things—”
“You don’t have to explain.” Ryland’s reply is clipped. He looks away. “We should be getting back. You ready to go?”
He doesn’t wait for a response before striding around to the driver’s side. He climbs inside and slams the door behind him.
My heart sinks.
He couldn’t make it clearer if he tried. So much for a blank slate. The past is thick around us, and there’s no taking it back.
I’ve ruined everything.
15.
RYLAND
Rehab.
The word thunders through my brain like a fucking anvil, destroying every moment of laughter, every tender kiss we’ve shared. It all shatters into dust, leaving nothing except those two bitter syllables.
Rehab.
Goddammit.
I grip the steering wheel so tight my knuckles turn white, fighting to keep my shit together. Betrayal crashes through me. The whole afternoon, I’ve been swept along in her joy and lightness, fooling myself that this is what it could be like for real between us. I could chase the darkness from those midnight eyes. I could earn her trust, savor every kiss. I could make her forget whoever hurt her so badly.
I could show her what it means to be touched by someone who treasures every inch of her, what it feels like to strip away every last defense and be left, real and raw and whole again.
But this? This is something else, drowning my desire in a tidal wave of icy doubt. Why didn’t she say something earlier? Is it some big secret she’s been hiding to fool me, all this time?
I can feel Tegan’s eyes on me, but I keep my gaze fixed to the road ahead, driving like a madman to get her home. Before I look in those dark eyes of hers and get disarmed all over again. Before I forget that there’s no hope for us now.
It’s over before it ever even began.
I pull up outside her beach house, the tires squealing on the street.
Silence.
“Thanks for the ride.” Tegan’s voice is quiet. “And the paintballing trip too. I had fun.”
I give a sharp nod, still not looking in her direction. “Sure. Anytime.”
She doesn’t move to get out until I realize. The bike. It’s still in the back of my truck where I tossed it earlier. Dammit. I’d been so happy at the thought of whisking her off on this surprise date, finally a chance to get those barbed defenses of hers down. I wanted to give her a break from everything, make that haunted look in her eyes melt away for just a few hours.
I wish I’d never made the trip. If I hadn’t seen the simple joy light up her face—if I hadn’t felt the whisper of her kiss, the sweetness of her body resting above me—then maybe I wouldn’t feel this hurt and anger slicing through me right now, relentless and sharp.
To have a taste of heaven and see it snatched away is worse than never knowing at all.
I get out and grab her bicycle, setting it down with a clatter. “You got everything?” I demand harshly, still trying not to look at her.
“Ryland…” Tegan’s voice wavers. I look up.
Damn.
The hurt on her face sends a stab of pain right into my gut. Her eyes are wide and vulnerable, and her jaw is clenched. She’s trying not to cry.
I want to go to her. Wrap my arms around her, and promise that everything’s going to be OK. But that would be a lie, and my bruised, used-up heart can’t take another pain like this.
“See you around.” I bite out the words, then stride back around to the driver’s side. I climb inside and start the engine, driving away so fast I leave dust billowing in my wake, clouding her face from view in the rearview mirror, hiding her until it’s safe.
I’m gone.
I head back to the house. My anger is fading, now there’s nothing but hollow regret.
The perfect day, and it ends like this. I’m an ass for hurting her, I know, but what else could I do? Her casual confession was like a bomb going off, bringing back memories I thought I’d laid to rest, forcing me to think about the darkest, most painful chapter in my life.
There’s no way I’m putting myself through that again.
I turn into the driveway, but there’s already a car parked next to the stacks of lumber and cement. For a moment, my stomach lurches. Driskell. How the fuck did he find me so soon?
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened just then.” I’m embarrassed about my sudden mood swing. From the edge of tears to a strange jubilation in less than ten seconds flat. He must think I’m crazy, but Ryland just nods.
“Sometimes all you can do is just wait for the storm to pass,”
I give a wry smile. “You sound like my therapist. They were always saying stuff like that in rehab.”
Ryland freezes against me. I can feel every muscle tense.
“Rehab?”
Crap.
I gulp, looking up at him. My stomach trembles as I take a breath and admit it. “I spent some time there, earlier this year.”
I search his face, hoping for understanding, but it’s like a mask has suddenly slammed down. The warm, teasing smile is gone. Ryland looks at me coldly.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
“It’s not exactly something I’m proud of,” I say, looking down. He steps back, away from me, and I feel the cool air where his embrace used to be.
I shiver. “It was just a few months,” I explain quickly. “I needed some time, to get over things—”
“You don’t have to explain.” Ryland’s reply is clipped. He looks away. “We should be getting back. You ready to go?”
He doesn’t wait for a response before striding around to the driver’s side. He climbs inside and slams the door behind him.
My heart sinks.
He couldn’t make it clearer if he tried. So much for a blank slate. The past is thick around us, and there’s no taking it back.
I’ve ruined everything.
15.
RYLAND
Rehab.
The word thunders through my brain like a fucking anvil, destroying every moment of laughter, every tender kiss we’ve shared. It all shatters into dust, leaving nothing except those two bitter syllables.
Rehab.
Goddammit.
I grip the steering wheel so tight my knuckles turn white, fighting to keep my shit together. Betrayal crashes through me. The whole afternoon, I’ve been swept along in her joy and lightness, fooling myself that this is what it could be like for real between us. I could chase the darkness from those midnight eyes. I could earn her trust, savor every kiss. I could make her forget whoever hurt her so badly.
I could show her what it means to be touched by someone who treasures every inch of her, what it feels like to strip away every last defense and be left, real and raw and whole again.
But this? This is something else, drowning my desire in a tidal wave of icy doubt. Why didn’t she say something earlier? Is it some big secret she’s been hiding to fool me, all this time?
I can feel Tegan’s eyes on me, but I keep my gaze fixed to the road ahead, driving like a madman to get her home. Before I look in those dark eyes of hers and get disarmed all over again. Before I forget that there’s no hope for us now.
It’s over before it ever even began.
I pull up outside her beach house, the tires squealing on the street.
Silence.
“Thanks for the ride.” Tegan’s voice is quiet. “And the paintballing trip too. I had fun.”
I give a sharp nod, still not looking in her direction. “Sure. Anytime.”
She doesn’t move to get out until I realize. The bike. It’s still in the back of my truck where I tossed it earlier. Dammit. I’d been so happy at the thought of whisking her off on this surprise date, finally a chance to get those barbed defenses of hers down. I wanted to give her a break from everything, make that haunted look in her eyes melt away for just a few hours.
I wish I’d never made the trip. If I hadn’t seen the simple joy light up her face—if I hadn’t felt the whisper of her kiss, the sweetness of her body resting above me—then maybe I wouldn’t feel this hurt and anger slicing through me right now, relentless and sharp.
To have a taste of heaven and see it snatched away is worse than never knowing at all.
I get out and grab her bicycle, setting it down with a clatter. “You got everything?” I demand harshly, still trying not to look at her.
“Ryland…” Tegan’s voice wavers. I look up.
Damn.
The hurt on her face sends a stab of pain right into my gut. Her eyes are wide and vulnerable, and her jaw is clenched. She’s trying not to cry.
I want to go to her. Wrap my arms around her, and promise that everything’s going to be OK. But that would be a lie, and my bruised, used-up heart can’t take another pain like this.
“See you around.” I bite out the words, then stride back around to the driver’s side. I climb inside and start the engine, driving away so fast I leave dust billowing in my wake, clouding her face from view in the rearview mirror, hiding her until it’s safe.
I’m gone.
I head back to the house. My anger is fading, now there’s nothing but hollow regret.
The perfect day, and it ends like this. I’m an ass for hurting her, I know, but what else could I do? Her casual confession was like a bomb going off, bringing back memories I thought I’d laid to rest, forcing me to think about the darkest, most painful chapter in my life.
There’s no way I’m putting myself through that again.
I turn into the driveway, but there’s already a car parked next to the stacks of lumber and cement. For a moment, my stomach lurches. Driskell. How the fuck did he find me so soon?
