She sees my stricken expression and softens. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, I just want you to see the big picture. Blake’s spent years working his way up, and now he’s right on the edge of having everything he’s ever wanted. But there’s a reason famous actors seem to date someone new every week: it’s hard to keep a real relationship going when everything around you is all for show. If I was him, I wouldn’t let anything stand in my way,” Lila adds, and I see that steely determination in her eyes again.
“Not even love?” I ask, hating the plaintive note in my voice.
Lila shakes her head. “Not even love.”
I feel that fear rise up in my chest again. I get to my feet. “All set?” I ask, needing some air.
She nods. “Sure, tell Dash I’ll see him out there.”
“OK.”
I hurry from the trailer, my head spinning. I wish I could just write off what Lila said as being the product of her own bitter experience, but the truth is, I recognize the determination shining in her eyes. I’ve seen that look on Blake’s face when he’s talking about some new role or moment in a scene: total dedication to his craft and dreams.
Just how far will he go for his ambition? And will there be any room left for me?
For us?
A cab pulls up by the sidewalk, and I see Blake get out. He’s got a duffel bag hoisted over his shoulder, but he drops it to the ground when he sees me: hurrying over and sweeping me up in a bear hug.
“I got it!” he exclaims, beaming. “I talked him round and got the job, just like you said.”
My nerves melt away under excitement for him. “That’s amazing!” I cry, holding on tight as he spins me around.
Blake sets me down. “Man, I’m still buzzing, I don’t think I’ve slept a wink,” he says, energy radiating from his body. “I ran into him in the hotel lobby. He didn’t recognize me at first, I thought he was going have security throw me out, but then everything worked out OK. We really connected,” he continues, “wound up grabbing dinner, just talking all evening about the movie, and the role, everything. He called my agent right away, made an official offer. I’m in!”
“I’m so happy for you.” I smile, proud. “I knew you could do it.”
“The schedule’s tight,” Blake adds, staring to walk towards the trailers. “But we’ll make it work. As soon as we wrap here, I’m on a plane. Three months shooting in Australia and Europe, I have to start training with the stunt guys, get the script locked down…”
Blake keeps talking, pumped up, but his words hit me like a ton of bricks.
He’s leaving for three months?
I stop walking, but Blake doesn’t notice. He’s still striding ahead, talking about all his big plans—on the other side of the world.
Away from me.
And suddenly, my worst fears come flooding to the surface. I realize nothing’s changed. I’m still the girl dreaming of a man who’s out of reach; and he’s still the guy with his eyes on the horizon, ignoring what’s standing right in front of him.
And just like that, I feel like a teenager again: all my big hopes dissolving into nothing, like the last time this happened.
Graduation day.
23.
Three years ago…
“Congratulations!”
The cheers ring out as a hundred black caps swoop up into the sky and rain down on the graduating class of Ridgecrest School.
“Can you believe it?” Tegan cries, smothering me in a hug. “We made it!”
I hug her back, laughing. I can’t believe it, not really. It hasn’t sunk in yet that after four years of this place, it’s all done. No more early-morning bed checks, no more boring classes, and best of all, no more stuck up bitches and their power plays.
High school is over. I’m finally free.
The sky is blue over the front quad as the class disperses, heading to greet the family and friends all lined up on neat rows of folding chairs facing the stage. Tegan links her arm through mine and crushes her diploma carelessly in her free hand.
“Hey, you’ll want to frame that.” I take it from her and smooth it out.
Tegan snorts. “Please, it’s just a fake thing. I don’t know why they have these ceremonies for high school, this gown is making me itch. Nobody cares.”
I give her a look. “Your brothers care,” I tell her. “And once you break it to them that you’re going to get into the music industry instead of going to college, this will be the only diploma they’ll ever get.”
“Good point.” Tegan grins. She waves across the lawn, and I see the whole Callahan crew together, dressed up for a change in smart pants and button-down shirts. Ash is on his cellphone, as always, but Dex and Blake are already fending off flirty glances from every girl on the quad.
I don’t blame them. In a sea of parents and bratty younger siblings, Dex’s rock star tattoos and Blake’s blonde charm stand out a mile.
Blake.
My stomach does a nervous flutter, even seeing him from a distance. I spent an extra hour trying to tame my flyaway curls this morning, knowing I would be seeing him again.
Maybe this time, the voice whispers. Maybe this time, he’ll take one look at you and realize what he’s been missing all this time is right in front of him. Maybe now that you’re eighteen, maybe now that you’ve graduated—
I cut off my hopeful thoughts before they’re written all over my face.
“Not even love?” I ask, hating the plaintive note in my voice.
Lila shakes her head. “Not even love.”
I feel that fear rise up in my chest again. I get to my feet. “All set?” I ask, needing some air.
She nods. “Sure, tell Dash I’ll see him out there.”
“OK.”
I hurry from the trailer, my head spinning. I wish I could just write off what Lila said as being the product of her own bitter experience, but the truth is, I recognize the determination shining in her eyes. I’ve seen that look on Blake’s face when he’s talking about some new role or moment in a scene: total dedication to his craft and dreams.
Just how far will he go for his ambition? And will there be any room left for me?
For us?
A cab pulls up by the sidewalk, and I see Blake get out. He’s got a duffel bag hoisted over his shoulder, but he drops it to the ground when he sees me: hurrying over and sweeping me up in a bear hug.
“I got it!” he exclaims, beaming. “I talked him round and got the job, just like you said.”
My nerves melt away under excitement for him. “That’s amazing!” I cry, holding on tight as he spins me around.
Blake sets me down. “Man, I’m still buzzing, I don’t think I’ve slept a wink,” he says, energy radiating from his body. “I ran into him in the hotel lobby. He didn’t recognize me at first, I thought he was going have security throw me out, but then everything worked out OK. We really connected,” he continues, “wound up grabbing dinner, just talking all evening about the movie, and the role, everything. He called my agent right away, made an official offer. I’m in!”
“I’m so happy for you.” I smile, proud. “I knew you could do it.”
“The schedule’s tight,” Blake adds, staring to walk towards the trailers. “But we’ll make it work. As soon as we wrap here, I’m on a plane. Three months shooting in Australia and Europe, I have to start training with the stunt guys, get the script locked down…”
Blake keeps talking, pumped up, but his words hit me like a ton of bricks.
He’s leaving for three months?
I stop walking, but Blake doesn’t notice. He’s still striding ahead, talking about all his big plans—on the other side of the world.
Away from me.
And suddenly, my worst fears come flooding to the surface. I realize nothing’s changed. I’m still the girl dreaming of a man who’s out of reach; and he’s still the guy with his eyes on the horizon, ignoring what’s standing right in front of him.
And just like that, I feel like a teenager again: all my big hopes dissolving into nothing, like the last time this happened.
Graduation day.
23.
Three years ago…
“Congratulations!”
The cheers ring out as a hundred black caps swoop up into the sky and rain down on the graduating class of Ridgecrest School.
“Can you believe it?” Tegan cries, smothering me in a hug. “We made it!”
I hug her back, laughing. I can’t believe it, not really. It hasn’t sunk in yet that after four years of this place, it’s all done. No more early-morning bed checks, no more boring classes, and best of all, no more stuck up bitches and their power plays.
High school is over. I’m finally free.
The sky is blue over the front quad as the class disperses, heading to greet the family and friends all lined up on neat rows of folding chairs facing the stage. Tegan links her arm through mine and crushes her diploma carelessly in her free hand.
“Hey, you’ll want to frame that.” I take it from her and smooth it out.
Tegan snorts. “Please, it’s just a fake thing. I don’t know why they have these ceremonies for high school, this gown is making me itch. Nobody cares.”
I give her a look. “Your brothers care,” I tell her. “And once you break it to them that you’re going to get into the music industry instead of going to college, this will be the only diploma they’ll ever get.”
“Good point.” Tegan grins. She waves across the lawn, and I see the whole Callahan crew together, dressed up for a change in smart pants and button-down shirts. Ash is on his cellphone, as always, but Dex and Blake are already fending off flirty glances from every girl on the quad.
I don’t blame them. In a sea of parents and bratty younger siblings, Dex’s rock star tattoos and Blake’s blonde charm stand out a mile.
Blake.
My stomach does a nervous flutter, even seeing him from a distance. I spent an extra hour trying to tame my flyaway curls this morning, knowing I would be seeing him again.
Maybe this time, the voice whispers. Maybe this time, he’ll take one look at you and realize what he’s been missing all this time is right in front of him. Maybe now that you’re eighteen, maybe now that you’ve graduated—
I cut off my hopeful thoughts before they’re written all over my face.
