A twinge kicked in my stomach and I sat upright, ending the voice recording on my watch. I had a headache from trying to figure everything out. Talking about it didn’t help like I thought it would. Maybe it was because I was talking to myself instead of someone who could offer resolution.
Sighing, I slowly lifted my sore body from the concrete of the driveway and walked to the house, dialing Willow as I did. She didn’t answer and I remembered she was still at orientation. And Mom and Dale were still out of town.
I felt as lonely and empty as the house I lived in.
Rhodes finally showed up for our training session on Tuesday afternoon. He was drenched in sweat when I got to the gym and I had a feeling he’d already been there for hours. His fiery eyes caught mine as soon as I walked in and my legs were instantly weak. I wasn’t sure if it was from my run the day before or the conflicting emotions running across his face, but I felt like I would fall to my knees at any moment. When I somehow managed to make it to him, I dropped my gym bag to the floor.
Rhodes didn’t say anything at first. He wiped the sweat from his face with a small white towel and tucked it into the back of his shorts, frowning as his eyes fell down my body. I swore every part of my skin ignited as his eyes raked over me.
“New clothes?”
I laughed, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms hard over my chest. “Really? That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me?” Rhodes had a way of bringing out someone inside me who had never existed before. I was bold around him — unabashedly bold. It felt strange and incredible at the same time.
Rhodes swallowed. “We need to train, Natalie. I’ve been out for two days.”
“Oh I’m Natalie now? I’m not Bug anymore? And you’re right.” I pointed at his chest. “You’ve been out for two days. Why was that? Did you not show because of Saturday night?” It was like violent word vomit that I couldn’t control. Rhodes confused me, and I couldn’t figure out why I allowed him to make me feel embarrassed and sad one moment but then angry as hell the next. Before seeing him in the gym again, I felt like I had myself together. I thought when I eventually did see him, I’d be fine. But the truth was that I wanted to yell at him, to get a reaction out of him — any reaction.
Instead, he just sat there, looking calm and collected and completely unaffected by me standing my ground.
“I had some things to take care of.” He nodded toward the treadmill next to him. “Climb on and bump the incline up to four, speed two. Let’s get you warmed up.”
“So we’re going back to you just being my trainer? Is that what this is?”
Rhodes let out a frustrated sigh and jumped off the treadmill, landing hard in front of me. His eyes leveled with mine beneath a scowl. “I am just your trainer. Now you can either get on the damn treadmill and warm up or you can walk out. Either way, I’m getting paid. The choice is yours.” He snagged my empty water bottle from my hands and walked to the water fountain, filling it up along with his own.
I pursed my lips, but decided not to argue further. Once again, I felt a little embarrassed by my actions. He’d made me feel like a friend… maybe even something more. But now he was insisting he was just my trainer and I his client — nothing more, nothing less. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I needed to train after being away from him for two days and more than that, I wanted to train. I wanted to work out every ounce of anger, pain, and sadness I had inside me. And at that moment, I had enough to work for hours.
So we did.
Every time Rhodes tried to end the training session, I begged him for more. I was exhausted, I threw up, my legs and arms were cramping but I didn’t stop. Every drop of sweat seemed to take a tiny ounce of my frustration with it as it rolled off the tip of my nose. When I worked my body, my mind was silent — and that’s exactly what I wanted.
Finally, after just shy of four hours, Rhodes called it.
“You have to stop, Natalie. You need rest. Go shower and change.”
“I’m hitting the pool,” I said softly, wiping the sweat from my face and reaching for my bag. Rhodes’ hand darted out and caught my wrist.
“I’m serious. You’re done for the day.”
“I don’t want to stop,” I said loudly, standing up as tall as I could to look him in the eye. “I have a lot of shit going on right now and the only time I’m not thinking about all of it is when I’m here.”
Rhodes’ brows pulled down over his eyes and he released his grip. “Fine. But let’s at least go to the sauna, instead. You don’t have to go home and it’ll be good for your muscles. Deal?”
I nodded, grabbed my bag, and stormed toward the locker room. After quickly changing into my one-piece, I joined Rhodes in the sauna. But when I swung the door open and the heat hit me in a rush, I was still somehow frozen in place.
Rhodes was the only one inside and I faltered at the sight of him.
Every inch of his body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, making his skin glow in the soft, warm light of the sauna. His bright eyes contrasted the darkness and the only clothing he wore was a lone white towel wrapped around his lower half. He was bent over, elbows on his knees, just like he’d been on Saturday night when I’d been bold enough to touch him for the first time. To wish for his lips on mine. When he saw me, his mouth parted slightly and he glanced briefly at my curves before snapping his eyes back to mine. His jaw tensed and I watched him swallow, his Adam’s apple straining in his throat.
“You okay?” he asked when I didn’t move.
I bit my lip and let the heavy wooden door of the sauna close behind me, leaving us alone and blocked off from the world. In an instant, Saturday night came flooding back to me, along with the embarrassment and anger I’d felt.
“No. No, Rhodes, I am not okay.” I tried to say the words with confidence but my voice shook with every syllable. I had no idea what I was about to say but I didn’t give myself the chance to think about it. “I am completely and frustratingly confused. You say you’re just my trainer but then you look at me like… like that.” I thrusted my hand out toward him. “Like you have to sit on your hands to keep from touching me.” I blanched at my own words and Rhodes’ mouth hardened into a thin line, but I kept going. “I never expected us to be anything, okay? I’m not trying to force you to be my friend but you make me feel like I am, when in reality, it’s you who blurred the line. You invited me over — twice. You go from talking to me and giving me advice one minute to making me feel like I annoy you the next.” I threw my hands up, exasperated. “You want to be friends? Great. I’d like that. You want to just be professional? That’s fine, too. But make up your mind and stop whipping me around like a damn rag doll.”
Sighing, I slowly lifted my sore body from the concrete of the driveway and walked to the house, dialing Willow as I did. She didn’t answer and I remembered she was still at orientation. And Mom and Dale were still out of town.
I felt as lonely and empty as the house I lived in.
Rhodes finally showed up for our training session on Tuesday afternoon. He was drenched in sweat when I got to the gym and I had a feeling he’d already been there for hours. His fiery eyes caught mine as soon as I walked in and my legs were instantly weak. I wasn’t sure if it was from my run the day before or the conflicting emotions running across his face, but I felt like I would fall to my knees at any moment. When I somehow managed to make it to him, I dropped my gym bag to the floor.
Rhodes didn’t say anything at first. He wiped the sweat from his face with a small white towel and tucked it into the back of his shorts, frowning as his eyes fell down my body. I swore every part of my skin ignited as his eyes raked over me.
“New clothes?”
I laughed, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms hard over my chest. “Really? That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me?” Rhodes had a way of bringing out someone inside me who had never existed before. I was bold around him — unabashedly bold. It felt strange and incredible at the same time.
Rhodes swallowed. “We need to train, Natalie. I’ve been out for two days.”
“Oh I’m Natalie now? I’m not Bug anymore? And you’re right.” I pointed at his chest. “You’ve been out for two days. Why was that? Did you not show because of Saturday night?” It was like violent word vomit that I couldn’t control. Rhodes confused me, and I couldn’t figure out why I allowed him to make me feel embarrassed and sad one moment but then angry as hell the next. Before seeing him in the gym again, I felt like I had myself together. I thought when I eventually did see him, I’d be fine. But the truth was that I wanted to yell at him, to get a reaction out of him — any reaction.
Instead, he just sat there, looking calm and collected and completely unaffected by me standing my ground.
“I had some things to take care of.” He nodded toward the treadmill next to him. “Climb on and bump the incline up to four, speed two. Let’s get you warmed up.”
“So we’re going back to you just being my trainer? Is that what this is?”
Rhodes let out a frustrated sigh and jumped off the treadmill, landing hard in front of me. His eyes leveled with mine beneath a scowl. “I am just your trainer. Now you can either get on the damn treadmill and warm up or you can walk out. Either way, I’m getting paid. The choice is yours.” He snagged my empty water bottle from my hands and walked to the water fountain, filling it up along with his own.
I pursed my lips, but decided not to argue further. Once again, I felt a little embarrassed by my actions. He’d made me feel like a friend… maybe even something more. But now he was insisting he was just my trainer and I his client — nothing more, nothing less. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I needed to train after being away from him for two days and more than that, I wanted to train. I wanted to work out every ounce of anger, pain, and sadness I had inside me. And at that moment, I had enough to work for hours.
So we did.
Every time Rhodes tried to end the training session, I begged him for more. I was exhausted, I threw up, my legs and arms were cramping but I didn’t stop. Every drop of sweat seemed to take a tiny ounce of my frustration with it as it rolled off the tip of my nose. When I worked my body, my mind was silent — and that’s exactly what I wanted.
Finally, after just shy of four hours, Rhodes called it.
“You have to stop, Natalie. You need rest. Go shower and change.”
“I’m hitting the pool,” I said softly, wiping the sweat from my face and reaching for my bag. Rhodes’ hand darted out and caught my wrist.
“I’m serious. You’re done for the day.”
“I don’t want to stop,” I said loudly, standing up as tall as I could to look him in the eye. “I have a lot of shit going on right now and the only time I’m not thinking about all of it is when I’m here.”
Rhodes’ brows pulled down over his eyes and he released his grip. “Fine. But let’s at least go to the sauna, instead. You don’t have to go home and it’ll be good for your muscles. Deal?”
I nodded, grabbed my bag, and stormed toward the locker room. After quickly changing into my one-piece, I joined Rhodes in the sauna. But when I swung the door open and the heat hit me in a rush, I was still somehow frozen in place.
Rhodes was the only one inside and I faltered at the sight of him.
Every inch of his body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, making his skin glow in the soft, warm light of the sauna. His bright eyes contrasted the darkness and the only clothing he wore was a lone white towel wrapped around his lower half. He was bent over, elbows on his knees, just like he’d been on Saturday night when I’d been bold enough to touch him for the first time. To wish for his lips on mine. When he saw me, his mouth parted slightly and he glanced briefly at my curves before snapping his eyes back to mine. His jaw tensed and I watched him swallow, his Adam’s apple straining in his throat.
“You okay?” he asked when I didn’t move.
I bit my lip and let the heavy wooden door of the sauna close behind me, leaving us alone and blocked off from the world. In an instant, Saturday night came flooding back to me, along with the embarrassment and anger I’d felt.
“No. No, Rhodes, I am not okay.” I tried to say the words with confidence but my voice shook with every syllable. I had no idea what I was about to say but I didn’t give myself the chance to think about it. “I am completely and frustratingly confused. You say you’re just my trainer but then you look at me like… like that.” I thrusted my hand out toward him. “Like you have to sit on your hands to keep from touching me.” I blanched at my own words and Rhodes’ mouth hardened into a thin line, but I kept going. “I never expected us to be anything, okay? I’m not trying to force you to be my friend but you make me feel like I am, when in reality, it’s you who blurred the line. You invited me over — twice. You go from talking to me and giving me advice one minute to making me feel like I annoy you the next.” I threw my hands up, exasperated. “You want to be friends? Great. I’d like that. You want to just be professional? That’s fine, too. But make up your mind and stop whipping me around like a damn rag doll.”
