What's Left of Us
Page 6
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“How was your anniversary?”
I’m certain my smile can’t get any wider at the mention of that word. “It was beyond wonderful.” I don’t hold back when I tell her about the house, down to the last detail. Still, she senses I’m withholding something.
She tilts her head and looks at me as if she’s reading into my mind; her eyes dim just a little. “What is it?”
As I’m about to reply, she smiles broadly and I turn around to see Brandon and Ethan walking in behind me.
“Hi, Mom,” Ethan says, beaming, practically falling onto Amy’s too-skinny frame.
“Hey, buddy.”
“Hi, Aundrea.” Brandon gives me a polite wave and smile.
“Good morning.” I take in Ethan’s short stature and curly brown hair. “Hi, Ethan, how are you?”
His little shoulders bounce. “Good.”
Amy pulls Ethan back into a tight hug.
“Are you ready?” Brandon asks, rubbing her arm.
She glances at her watch then back to Brandon. “Yep!”
“All right, I’ll take Ethan to say hi to Casey while you two finish up.”
“Can I take a cookie before I go?” Ethan asks, reaching for the tray with expectant eyes.
“Of course, buddy.” I push the tray closer. “You better take a couple,” I whisper, giving Amy a wink.
He gives me a devilish smirk and fills his hands. Amy and I watch as the two men in her life walk away. Well, as one walks and the other skips. Ethan’s six and is as nonstop as the Energizer bunny.
“He adores that lady,” Amy says of Casey. “She’s started babysitting so Brandon and I can have a date night once a week.”
“Aw, that’s really nice of her. You two need that.”
“Ethan’s taken a liking to her and I can’t even begin to tell you how good it feels to find someone that he admires so much.”
“I bet.” We both watch as Ethan laughs at something Casey said. “He’s a good kid, Amy. You must be proud.”
“I’m beyond proud. I have the best and most supportive husband, a charming and energetic little boy, and I’ve been given the chance to be here with them. I’d say I’m pretty blessed.”
“I’d say you are, too.”
“You’ll have all that too someday, Dre.”
I can’t think of a better time to mention what’s been consuming me since last night. “Actually, speaking of that.”
“What?” Her ears practically perk up.
“Last night Parker brought up the idea of us starting a family.”
“Dre!” she screams, causing heads to turn our way, and I hear Brandon chuckle. “What? Really?”
“Yes,” I whisper, pleading she take it down a notch.
“Being a mother is the best thing to have ever happened to me. You’ll make a great mom, Dre. I know it.”
“Thank you.”
I take a few short breaths.
“What is it?”
Here it goes.
“Is it strange that getting the news my cancer was back, or that I was diagnosed with a life-long heart condition doesn’t scare me, but having the most important person in my world share the news they want to have a baby with me does? It’s not that I don’t want a baby because I do. But …”
Amy purses her lips and nods in complete understanding. “I get it. Honestly, I do. It’s a huge decision, and one that involves more than just you and Parker. Being frightened makes you human. Don’t let normalcy scare you, Aundrea. It’s one of the best gifts you could ever be given, aside from love, and I’ll be the first to say I hope to see the day when you’re holding your baby in your arms.”
I give her an honest smile. That’s just it. Making the decision to have a child means it’s not only about me anymore. I would have another human being to protect and think about.
To live for.
“Mommy, can we go now?” Ethan comes running back over, almost falling into her lap again.
“Yes, honey, Mommy’s coming right now. Why don’t you and Daddy get a head start and I’ll meet you in two minutes?”
“Okay!” He turns on his green ninja turtle sneakered toes and runs down the hall.
She turns her attention back to me, but not before giving Ethan a lingering glance. “Seriously, though, Aundrea, I haven’t met one person, myself included, who didn’t have a mini panic attack when they decided to have a baby or found out they were pregnant. Trust me when I tell you, you’re not alone. No one is 100% ready to have a baby, and if they say they are, they’re lying. When I found out I was pregnant with Ethan I was so full of nerves I started puking with the test still in my hands!”
We laugh.
Amy begins to stand, Nook in hand. “I’m going to give you some of the best advice I was ever given.”
I nod. I’ll take any advice she has for me at this point.
“Our past shapes our future, but don’t plan your future around past hardships. A baby is going to take time, Aundrea. It won’t happen overnight. Don’t let this happy time freak you out. Don’t let your fear hold you back. You’re going to make an amazing mom. Embrace it. You and Parker will learn the joys of parenthood, and it will forever change you, for the better.”
I stand, pulling her into a hug. “Thank you.” She knows exactly what to say, exactly when I need to hear it.
I’m certain my smile can’t get any wider at the mention of that word. “It was beyond wonderful.” I don’t hold back when I tell her about the house, down to the last detail. Still, she senses I’m withholding something.
She tilts her head and looks at me as if she’s reading into my mind; her eyes dim just a little. “What is it?”
As I’m about to reply, she smiles broadly and I turn around to see Brandon and Ethan walking in behind me.
“Hi, Mom,” Ethan says, beaming, practically falling onto Amy’s too-skinny frame.
“Hey, buddy.”
“Hi, Aundrea.” Brandon gives me a polite wave and smile.
“Good morning.” I take in Ethan’s short stature and curly brown hair. “Hi, Ethan, how are you?”
His little shoulders bounce. “Good.”
Amy pulls Ethan back into a tight hug.
“Are you ready?” Brandon asks, rubbing her arm.
She glances at her watch then back to Brandon. “Yep!”
“All right, I’ll take Ethan to say hi to Casey while you two finish up.”
“Can I take a cookie before I go?” Ethan asks, reaching for the tray with expectant eyes.
“Of course, buddy.” I push the tray closer. “You better take a couple,” I whisper, giving Amy a wink.
He gives me a devilish smirk and fills his hands. Amy and I watch as the two men in her life walk away. Well, as one walks and the other skips. Ethan’s six and is as nonstop as the Energizer bunny.
“He adores that lady,” Amy says of Casey. “She’s started babysitting so Brandon and I can have a date night once a week.”
“Aw, that’s really nice of her. You two need that.”
“Ethan’s taken a liking to her and I can’t even begin to tell you how good it feels to find someone that he admires so much.”
“I bet.” We both watch as Ethan laughs at something Casey said. “He’s a good kid, Amy. You must be proud.”
“I’m beyond proud. I have the best and most supportive husband, a charming and energetic little boy, and I’ve been given the chance to be here with them. I’d say I’m pretty blessed.”
“I’d say you are, too.”
“You’ll have all that too someday, Dre.”
I can’t think of a better time to mention what’s been consuming me since last night. “Actually, speaking of that.”
“What?” Her ears practically perk up.
“Last night Parker brought up the idea of us starting a family.”
“Dre!” she screams, causing heads to turn our way, and I hear Brandon chuckle. “What? Really?”
“Yes,” I whisper, pleading she take it down a notch.
“Being a mother is the best thing to have ever happened to me. You’ll make a great mom, Dre. I know it.”
“Thank you.”
I take a few short breaths.
“What is it?”
Here it goes.
“Is it strange that getting the news my cancer was back, or that I was diagnosed with a life-long heart condition doesn’t scare me, but having the most important person in my world share the news they want to have a baby with me does? It’s not that I don’t want a baby because I do. But …”
Amy purses her lips and nods in complete understanding. “I get it. Honestly, I do. It’s a huge decision, and one that involves more than just you and Parker. Being frightened makes you human. Don’t let normalcy scare you, Aundrea. It’s one of the best gifts you could ever be given, aside from love, and I’ll be the first to say I hope to see the day when you’re holding your baby in your arms.”
I give her an honest smile. That’s just it. Making the decision to have a child means it’s not only about me anymore. I would have another human being to protect and think about.
To live for.
“Mommy, can we go now?” Ethan comes running back over, almost falling into her lap again.
“Yes, honey, Mommy’s coming right now. Why don’t you and Daddy get a head start and I’ll meet you in two minutes?”
“Okay!” He turns on his green ninja turtle sneakered toes and runs down the hall.
She turns her attention back to me, but not before giving Ethan a lingering glance. “Seriously, though, Aundrea, I haven’t met one person, myself included, who didn’t have a mini panic attack when they decided to have a baby or found out they were pregnant. Trust me when I tell you, you’re not alone. No one is 100% ready to have a baby, and if they say they are, they’re lying. When I found out I was pregnant with Ethan I was so full of nerves I started puking with the test still in my hands!”
We laugh.
Amy begins to stand, Nook in hand. “I’m going to give you some of the best advice I was ever given.”
I nod. I’ll take any advice she has for me at this point.
“Our past shapes our future, but don’t plan your future around past hardships. A baby is going to take time, Aundrea. It won’t happen overnight. Don’t let this happy time freak you out. Don’t let your fear hold you back. You’re going to make an amazing mom. Embrace it. You and Parker will learn the joys of parenthood, and it will forever change you, for the better.”
I stand, pulling her into a hug. “Thank you.” She knows exactly what to say, exactly when I need to hear it.
