What's Left of Us
Page 7

“Anytime. Call me and we’ll do coffee soon, okay?”
“You got it.”
She walks away, and I watch the smiles on Brandon and Ethan’s faces as she approaches them. Brandon wraps his arm around her tiny waist as Ethan bounces down the hall a few strides ahead.
Standing in a room surrounded by patients hooked up to chemo machines as I watch one of my closest friends leave happily with her family, it feels like my past is colliding with my future. Life is all about doing the unimaginable. It’s about taking on new challenges to overcome.
And I say, bring it on.
It wasn’t long after I finished chemo that I moved in with Parker. We never exactly talked about it; it just sort of happened. My things slowly showed up at his place, one by one. Then, one night when we were making dinner, I asked, “What do you think of the idea of me moving in?” and he only replied, “I thought you already did,” followed by a wink. We haven’t spent a night apart since.
Opening the apartment door, I call for Parker. “Anybody home?”
“In the kitchen.”
Cupboard doors slam and he grunts. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” He laughs. “Just fighting with the cabinets.”
I’m happy, yet anxious to talk to him about the baby idea. To tell him I want to get started with the process as soon as we can.
I round the corner hurriedly, startling Parker.
“Sorry!” I shriek, freezing in place.
“I wasn’t expecting you to come up behind be.” He laughs, placing one hand over his heart. His head dips down then back up again showing his overly large smile.
I smile. “I’ve been anxious to see you all day.”
His ears perk and his eyes become sultry as he gazes at me. “Is that so?” In a few short strides he’s standing in front of me.
A tiny giggle slips through as I teasingly swat his shoulder. “Not in the way you’re thinking.”
I watch as Parker takes a step back and leans against the counter, posture relaxed. “Enlighten me then.” The corners of his mouth are upward in a sly grin.
“I’ve been thinking a lot today about us having a baby … I’ve been thinking about everything, quite honestly.”
Letting out a small breath, Parker pushes himself off the counter. All playfulness has slipped away. “Listen, I didn’t bring up having a baby to freak you out, and if you really want to wait, we’ll wait. We’ll wait for as long as you need or want to. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.” He kisses the top of my head, rubbing small circles on my arm.
Swallowing, I look into his eyes. “I want to. I dream of our baby, Parker,” I whisper. I’ll never be able to carry my own child because of all the chemo I went through, but my eggs were frozen before I even started treatment at seventeen.
“Our baby,” he repeats. A smile reforms on my face and he follows suit. “You want to have a baby with me. I love the sound of that.”
My smile is so wide I can feel the tightness in my cheeks and jaw. “Yes. With everything inside of me, Parker, I want it. Like you said, there is nothing to worry about. I have an appointment in a couple months that will hopefully set my visits with Dr. Olson to every six months, and my heart is under control. I take my medication every day, my last two scans were clear, and my blood pressure is right on.” My words come out as if I’m trying to reassure myself, which, in a way, I am.
Or am I reassuring us both?
I’m in good health. There is no need to worry.
About anything.
“And later on, who knows? Maybe after we use my eggs and we’re ready for another baby we’ll look into adoption.” I’ve always been open to the idea of adoption, especially since my sister Genna is adopted.
I can see the tenderness in Parker’s eyes, see what he sees when he looks at me. The immense love he has for me.
For us.
“For the second time in my life you have made my heart stop. And for the second time in my life, you have made me the happiest man alive.” His words are confident.
I’m pretty sure my heart just stopped. To be certain it’s still beating I bring my hand to my chest and wait to feel the thumps. When I do, I smile. This is real. It’s all real.
He takes my hand and tugs me to his chest, holding on for dear life. “I love you.”
“I love you more,” I whisper back.
Over the next few days, we do a lot of research on finding a surrogate, but we quickly conclude that there aren’t that many choices in our area. The Mayo Clinic in Rochester has a program, but we want something more personal, so we confine our search to small agencies in the Minneapolis and St. Paul area.
I push my laptop away, needing a break. At Parker’s chuckle, I snap my head in his direction. He doesn’t even look up from his laptop as he shakes his head at me.
“What?” I ask with a hint of my own laughter.
“You.”
“What about me?” I tilt my head to the side. “Hmm?”
He looks up. “You’re cute when you’re frustrated.”
“Picking the right agency to find the woman who will help bring our child into the world is extremely important. One I’m not going to take lightly.”
He holds his hands up, grinning. “Hey, I agree. I just think it’s sexy, that’s all.”
“Well, then, I better get frustrated more often.”
He scoots his chair closer to mine. “Only if I’m the one who gets to make you un-frustrated,” he says slowly, and tiny chills spread through me. I love when his voice goes deep and sexy. That rasp drives me crazy.