Why Not Tonight
Page 39
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He grinned. “I’m not trusting you in the kitchen by yourself.”
“You’re judging me.”
“More than a little.”
She raised herself on tiptoe and kissed him. “I’ll see you around six.”
“I’ll be there.”
* * *
NATALIE DROVE UP the mountain, her zippy little car taking the steep grade with no problem. She felt more centered than she had since her argument with Ronan—happier. Yes, there had been loss, but she knew how to miss her mom and live her life.
When she pulled into the driveway, anticipation hummed through her body. She enjoyed spending time with Ronan. They never seemed to run out of things to say. There was the added anticipation of what they would do after dinner. Ronan was nothing if not thorough when it came to pleasing her.
She was still smiling as she got out of her car and pulled a small tote bag from the back seat. She’d packed a nightgown and a few skin-care items. She had her work clothes on a hanger. It would be easier to just get ready at his place and go directly into the office.
She’d barely reached for her clothes when she felt a strong hand settle on her waist. She turned and Ronan kissed her, his mouth warm and tender against her own.
“Hey,” he said, nibbling along her jaw, then dipping to her collarbone. “I’m thinking steaks and baked potato and wine, then maybe a brandy by the fire pit.”
“A man with a plan. What’s not to like?”
He kissed her again, lingering this time, before taking her clothes and tote and leading her into the house.
She paused in the foyer to enjoy the welcoming atmosphere. She loved everything about the house. The lines of it, the hidden studio, the light. He’d chosen well, she thought, following him to the master bedroom.
There was a surprise waiting in the walk-in closet. He’d cleared out several feet of hanging space.
“In case you want to leave stuff here,” he said, sounding both proud and bashful. “There are drawers, too.”
Because the massive closet had two built-in dressers. The left one was filled with briefs and socks and some brightly colored boxers, but the one on the right was empty.
There was more space for her in the big master bath. The his-and-her vanities were separated by the big shower. He used the vanity with less counter space, leaving the other one for her.
She didn’t know exactly what he was trying to tell her. They’d both agreed this wasn’t going to be permanent, that they were enjoying each other for the moment. Still, he’d gone out of his way to make her feel welcome and special, and she appreciated that.
“Next time I’ll bring more,” she said, setting her tote on the bathroom counter. “Thank you for this. I would have been happy with a single drawer.”
“Now you can be even happier.”
They went into the kitchen. Ronan had already pulled the steaks out of the refrigerator and made the salad. There was some kind of delicious-looking potato casserole ready to put in the oven and a bottle of red wine on the island.
“How is it working with Pallas?” he asked as he poured the wine. “She seems like she has it all together.”
“She does. She has different computer applications for the various parts of the wedding that all break down into the tiniest detail. You can pull up everything from wine selections to napkin colors. There’s a whole section on who can’t sit together at the reception. Then she has a master program that pulls it all together. She runs the whole thing on an interconnected computer-tablet magical mind meld I can’t begin to understand. It’s impressive and a little scary.”
“Maybe she can help you with your baby app,” he teased. “You don’t seem to be making much progress.”
“Uh-huh. Because you want me interviewing potential sperm donors.”
“I wouldn’t mind if I could be there and ask questions, as well.”
She grinned. “I can only imagine what you would ask. Besides, I’ve let that go for now. We’re having a good time and me getting pregnant would mess up everything.”
He looked at her for a second, then grinned. “Probably a good decision.”
The evening passed quickly. They finished dinner and sat outside by the roaring fire pit before heading upstairs. After they made love, Natalie lay in the dark, enjoying the tingles and zings that were a testament to the things the man could do to her body.
This was good, she thought, listening to his steady breathing. Being with Ronan. He was so kind and affectionate. He took care of her. She loved how talented he was and that he was reconnecting with his brothers. Everything was perfect. Everything except...
She wanted more. There, she’d thought it. She wanted what everyone else had—love and hope and a future. She wanted him to fall head over heels for her and she wanted to feel the same way. She wanted to believe it could be forever—that he would always be there. She wanted to know they could have a future. Only they couldn’t. He still thought he didn’t know who he was. He would never give over his heart as long as he truly believed he might one day wake up and be Ceallach and she could never trust him not to pull his heart back from her.
If only it could be different. If they were different. She wanted so much with him. She touched her belly and wished there was no baby app, just the promise of a family in a few years. Not that she had to worry about that now. Ronan always used a condom and she was—
Natalie sat up in the dark. Ronan stirred but didn’t wake, thank goodness, because there was no way for her to act normal. Not now, maybe not ever. She wasn’t on anything. No birth control. No pill, no IUD, no whatever else there was. She was on nothing.
She hadn’t been with anyone since her broken engagement—there hadn’t been much of a reason. And since she and Ronan had started hanging out, she hadn’t once thought, Birth control. Although she should have.
She got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, where she pulled out her phone and pushed the button to bring up her calendar. When had she last had her period? Four weeks ago? Five? S-six?
Fear gripped her. Fear and terror and dread and a sinking sensation that made her a little sick to her stomach. She was late. Maybe by as much as two weeks. She was never late. Never, never, never. She clutched her phone, closed her eyes and repeated words women had been praying since the dawn of time.
“Please, God, don’t let me be pregnant.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NATALIE WAS RULED by fear for three days. She knew that she could put herself out of her misery by simply taking a pregnancy test, but she didn’t want to. Seeing the answer, if it was positive, would change everything. She would rather be scared and not know than have the truth confirmed. Because if she was pregnant...
“Don’t go there,” she murmured to herself as she finished logging in several new art pieces for the gallery.
She glanced at the clock and saw it was close to noon, then grabbed her phone and texted Silver.
You around? Can I talk to you?
Silver texted back almost immediately. Sure. I’m at home. Want to come by?
Natalie replied that she would be there in five minutes, then grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
“Hi.” Silver let her in. “You okay?”
“No. We have to talk. Can we go upstairs?”
“Sure.”
Silver locked the front door and led the way up to the second-floor loft apartment. They sat at the table and chairs by the window. Silver looked more curious than concerned.
“You’re judging me.”
“More than a little.”
She raised herself on tiptoe and kissed him. “I’ll see you around six.”
“I’ll be there.”
* * *
NATALIE DROVE UP the mountain, her zippy little car taking the steep grade with no problem. She felt more centered than she had since her argument with Ronan—happier. Yes, there had been loss, but she knew how to miss her mom and live her life.
When she pulled into the driveway, anticipation hummed through her body. She enjoyed spending time with Ronan. They never seemed to run out of things to say. There was the added anticipation of what they would do after dinner. Ronan was nothing if not thorough when it came to pleasing her.
She was still smiling as she got out of her car and pulled a small tote bag from the back seat. She’d packed a nightgown and a few skin-care items. She had her work clothes on a hanger. It would be easier to just get ready at his place and go directly into the office.
She’d barely reached for her clothes when she felt a strong hand settle on her waist. She turned and Ronan kissed her, his mouth warm and tender against her own.
“Hey,” he said, nibbling along her jaw, then dipping to her collarbone. “I’m thinking steaks and baked potato and wine, then maybe a brandy by the fire pit.”
“A man with a plan. What’s not to like?”
He kissed her again, lingering this time, before taking her clothes and tote and leading her into the house.
She paused in the foyer to enjoy the welcoming atmosphere. She loved everything about the house. The lines of it, the hidden studio, the light. He’d chosen well, she thought, following him to the master bedroom.
There was a surprise waiting in the walk-in closet. He’d cleared out several feet of hanging space.
“In case you want to leave stuff here,” he said, sounding both proud and bashful. “There are drawers, too.”
Because the massive closet had two built-in dressers. The left one was filled with briefs and socks and some brightly colored boxers, but the one on the right was empty.
There was more space for her in the big master bath. The his-and-her vanities were separated by the big shower. He used the vanity with less counter space, leaving the other one for her.
She didn’t know exactly what he was trying to tell her. They’d both agreed this wasn’t going to be permanent, that they were enjoying each other for the moment. Still, he’d gone out of his way to make her feel welcome and special, and she appreciated that.
“Next time I’ll bring more,” she said, setting her tote on the bathroom counter. “Thank you for this. I would have been happy with a single drawer.”
“Now you can be even happier.”
They went into the kitchen. Ronan had already pulled the steaks out of the refrigerator and made the salad. There was some kind of delicious-looking potato casserole ready to put in the oven and a bottle of red wine on the island.
“How is it working with Pallas?” he asked as he poured the wine. “She seems like she has it all together.”
“She does. She has different computer applications for the various parts of the wedding that all break down into the tiniest detail. You can pull up everything from wine selections to napkin colors. There’s a whole section on who can’t sit together at the reception. Then she has a master program that pulls it all together. She runs the whole thing on an interconnected computer-tablet magical mind meld I can’t begin to understand. It’s impressive and a little scary.”
“Maybe she can help you with your baby app,” he teased. “You don’t seem to be making much progress.”
“Uh-huh. Because you want me interviewing potential sperm donors.”
“I wouldn’t mind if I could be there and ask questions, as well.”
She grinned. “I can only imagine what you would ask. Besides, I’ve let that go for now. We’re having a good time and me getting pregnant would mess up everything.”
He looked at her for a second, then grinned. “Probably a good decision.”
The evening passed quickly. They finished dinner and sat outside by the roaring fire pit before heading upstairs. After they made love, Natalie lay in the dark, enjoying the tingles and zings that were a testament to the things the man could do to her body.
This was good, she thought, listening to his steady breathing. Being with Ronan. He was so kind and affectionate. He took care of her. She loved how talented he was and that he was reconnecting with his brothers. Everything was perfect. Everything except...
She wanted more. There, she’d thought it. She wanted what everyone else had—love and hope and a future. She wanted him to fall head over heels for her and she wanted to feel the same way. She wanted to believe it could be forever—that he would always be there. She wanted to know they could have a future. Only they couldn’t. He still thought he didn’t know who he was. He would never give over his heart as long as he truly believed he might one day wake up and be Ceallach and she could never trust him not to pull his heart back from her.
If only it could be different. If they were different. She wanted so much with him. She touched her belly and wished there was no baby app, just the promise of a family in a few years. Not that she had to worry about that now. Ronan always used a condom and she was—
Natalie sat up in the dark. Ronan stirred but didn’t wake, thank goodness, because there was no way for her to act normal. Not now, maybe not ever. She wasn’t on anything. No birth control. No pill, no IUD, no whatever else there was. She was on nothing.
She hadn’t been with anyone since her broken engagement—there hadn’t been much of a reason. And since she and Ronan had started hanging out, she hadn’t once thought, Birth control. Although she should have.
She got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, where she pulled out her phone and pushed the button to bring up her calendar. When had she last had her period? Four weeks ago? Five? S-six?
Fear gripped her. Fear and terror and dread and a sinking sensation that made her a little sick to her stomach. She was late. Maybe by as much as two weeks. She was never late. Never, never, never. She clutched her phone, closed her eyes and repeated words women had been praying since the dawn of time.
“Please, God, don’t let me be pregnant.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NATALIE WAS RULED by fear for three days. She knew that she could put herself out of her misery by simply taking a pregnancy test, but she didn’t want to. Seeing the answer, if it was positive, would change everything. She would rather be scared and not know than have the truth confirmed. Because if she was pregnant...
“Don’t go there,” she murmured to herself as she finished logging in several new art pieces for the gallery.
She glanced at the clock and saw it was close to noon, then grabbed her phone and texted Silver.
You around? Can I talk to you?
Silver texted back almost immediately. Sure. I’m at home. Want to come by?
Natalie replied that she would be there in five minutes, then grabbed her bag and headed for the door.
“Hi.” Silver let her in. “You okay?”
“No. We have to talk. Can we go upstairs?”
“Sure.”
Silver locked the front door and led the way up to the second-floor loft apartment. They sat at the table and chairs by the window. Silver looked more curious than concerned.
