Why Not Tonight
Page 40

“Do you want something to drink? Water? Tea? Vodka?”
Natalie tried to smile but failed. She’d been pretty much holding it together until right this second. Suddenly she desperately missed her mother and wanted to break into tears.
“No, thanks,” she murmured as she struggled for control. “I’m sorry to barge in like this but I didn’t know what else to do. I’m a mess.”
“I can see that. What’s wrong?”
“Remember when I went up the mountain to Ronan’s house and got stuck for those several days?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Ronan and I really got to know each other. He’s great, you know. He’s a bit of a brooding artist, but less than you’d think. And he cooks. He can pull a meal together better than I can. It’s kind of—”
“Natalie, honey, get to the point. And if that point is to tell me that you and Ronan are seeing each other, the whole town already knows.”
Natalie swallowed. “It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“We’ve been sleeping together and I have that stupid baby app and he knows about it and he used a condom, but I’m not on anything because there hasn’t been a guy in like forever and I didn’t think I was anywhere close to breaking my losing streak but now we are and I didn’t even think about birth control until a few nights ago and I’m afraid it might be too late because my period is late and I’m terrified I’m pregnant and that will ruin everything.”
She had more she wanted to say, but she’d run out of air and had to stop to suck in a breath.
Silver’s expression was more kind than anything else. “That’s a lot.”
“I know, right?”
“The baby app is a complication but I doubt Ronan will think you got pregnant on purpose. Finding out you’re pregnant can be a life changer. That I know for sure.” Her gaze sharpened. “Wait—your period is late, but you don’t know if you’re pregnant or not?”
“I haven’t taken the test.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to know.”
Silver smiled. “That’s mature. You do realize that your pregnancy exists or doesn’t exist, regardless of the results. Finding out for sure won’t change the biology of it all.”
“I know, but once I have the information, I have to deal with it. I’m not ready for that. I enjoy living in blissful ignorance.”
“I’m going to lovingly disagree. If you enjoyed it you wouldn’t be over here, freaking out.”
Natalie wanted to say she wasn’t even close to freaking out but got her friend’s point. “I’m scared. I really like Ronan and being pregnant with his baby will ruin everything. I don’t know that he’ll assume I trapped him, but he won’t be happy. How can I not be on birth control?”
“How could he not ask if you were?”
Natalie brightened. “You’re right. He should have asked. So that’s something I can throw in his face, but still. At the end of the day, I’m the one having the baby, not him.”
“How long do you plan to ignore the problem?”
“I don’t know. A few more days.” She brightened. “If I don’t get my period before Saturday, I’ll take a pregnancy test then.”
“It’s only Tuesday. That’s a long time to live in uncertainty. I’d want to know right away.”
There was something in the way she made the statement. Had Silver gone through something similar?
No, she told herself. Silver was strong and self-actualized. She would never make that kind of mistake. Silver had her own business and controlled her destiny. Natalie was the only idiot in the room.
“I can wait.”
“Then you have your answer.” Silver studied her. “You’re going to keep the baby, aren’t you?”
“If I’m pregnant? Of course. I wouldn’t give it up. I’m capable of being a single parent.”
She wasn’t exactly sure how but she had the memories of how great her mother had been with her. Surely she could learn from that excellent example. Plus, she had friends. Pallas was pregnant. They could go through it together. Only Pallas was sick all the time. Natalie really hoped that didn’t happen to her.
“Is Ronan capable of being a father?” Silver asked. “Like you said, he’s a bit of a brooding artist. Honestly, I don’t get the appeal. Give me a normal guy who enjoys sports and I’m all in.”
“You’re so lying. You don’t get serious about anyone.”
Silver chuckled. “You’re right—I don’t. So what about Ronan? You said getting pregnant would ruin everything.”
“It would. I don’t even know how I would tell him. He’s convinced he’s like a bad seed or something because of who he is.”
“Or who he’s not,” Silver added. “I know the story. His dad is a total dick. Remember how he was at the giraffe fundraiser last year? He wanted all the attention on himself. With a father like that, any guy would be concerned that he wasn’t—” She made a strangled noise in her throat. “Now you have me doing it.”
“Doing what?”
“Talking about a future that doesn’t exist.” She pointed at Natalie. “We don’t know that you’re pregnant. You might be reacting to stress, or sex. You used condoms, so it’s not like there was nothing protecting you. Chances are, you’re fine.”
“You’re so rational. It’s upsetting.”
“Would you prefer I panicked?”
“A little. I’d feel like you were more like me.”
“Fine. Let’s assume you are pregnant. If you are, what do you really want?”
Natalie didn’t have to consider the question. The answer came to her without warning. Ronan. The image was so vivid, so real, she nearly gasped. No, not him, she told herself. Wanting him in her future would mean she’d fallen for him.
She searched frantically for something else to say only to have Silver roll her eyes.
“You obviously thought of something that made you go pale. What is it?”
“Nothing. I, ah, miss my mom.”
“Really? I’m sure you do miss her, but you are so lying. It’s Ronan, isn’t it? You were wishing that it was real.”
Natalie opened her mouth, then closed it. “No. Maybe. I guess. Yes, but could it be? I’m, um...” She searched for a plausible lie because the truth was too humiliating. “Oh, I’m unlucky in love!” There—that should work.
“That’s a total crock.”
So much for it working. “It’s not. My fiancé broke up with me less than a week before the wedding and left me to tell everyone and pay for it all. It was horrible.”
“Yes, it was, and I’m sorry you had to go through that, but it doesn’t mean—”
“There’s more. My mother was a wonderful woman. Beautiful and talented and so loving. My dad died before I was born and my grandfather disappeared when my mom was still a kid.”
“So you come from a long line of women who chose badly or have had bad luck. Believe me, I totally get that. I have a bit of it in my past, but that doesn’t mean you won’t eventually fall madly in love and live happily ever after.”