Cut Wide Open
Page 37
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I didn’t know how I should feel about Claire and Mitchell, but I supposed I felt much like what they felt for me, nothing.
“I would’ve thought some caseworker would’ve told you. But then, I couldn't find where you went so… God, I wish you could tell me.” He let out a large breath and continued, “It was like you vanished. I must’ve searched every group home and foster home in all of Ohio. I searched for years. I was in a bad way. I hated that I’d lost you. I can only imagine what you thought.”
He’d searched for me? For years? I’d left Ohio. What if I’d stayed? Oh, I probably would’ve been arrested, but I couldn't believe he looked. I’d convinced myself over the years that I was just another notch in the never-ending bedpost of Gunner Reed’s. This story went against so many things I’d believed. By the time he finished telling me of how he walked away, my emotions were in overdrive.
I placed my hand on his arm to stop him from continuing. He could tell I needed a moment. I grabbed the robe that was near, cinched it tight letting the sheet that was covering me fall away, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I gave a head nod towards the restroom. He began to lift me and I stopped him with a shake of my head. I could walk.
I saw in his eyes that he didn't like this, but I needed to get stronger. I needed to stand on my own two feet.
He followed closely behind me.
“Mom!” Gun shouted setting down a controller to the game that he was very obviously kicking Reggie’s butt at. He rushed towards me, threw his arms around my waist, and declared, “You’re up!”
I squeezed my arms around him and held him for a moment.
“Mom’s gotta use the bathroom, Gun,” Gunner said softly.
Gun dropped his arms, gave me a grin and said, “This game rocks!”
I did my best to grin back, even though it was forced, and made my way to the bathroom. Gunner attempted to follow me in, I put up a hand to stop him. I didn't want him to go in with me. I could do this on my own.
“Mouse,” he ground out, but I ignored him and closed the door. I did my business and then looked in the mirror. The bruising on my face was yellowing, but it wasn't as bad as it was. My cheeks looked hollowed out, and my eyes had a look that would haunt me for a long time to come.
Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to bathe. I couldn't shower. I didn’t want to think about my showers in the dungeon, so I turned on the water for a bath and pushed the stopper. I dropped my robe to the floor and looked at my body in the mirror hanging on the back of the door. My ribs protruded a little and were covered in shades of yellow and blue. I moved to the side and saw my back, finally able to see the extent of the damage. A loud gasp escaped my throat.
“Charlie?” Gunner wanted to know if everything was okay. I needed to face this on my own. I turned the lock on the handle a moment before Gunner tried to come in. The gashes were healing. They were just more scars. I was already cut wide open on the inside, these just clued Gunner in on a little of the pain on the outside. What made me truly gasp was his initials--the ES, branded on my skin.
I wanted it off. I knew there was something there, but seeing those letters etched in my skin made me feel vile, like somehow, even in this bathroom, he still had a part of me. I sat in the warm water and grabbed a washcloth that was left hanging from the last person who used it. I didn’t care. The water stung on my back. I didn't care about that either. I began to scrub. The harder I scrubbed, the more the water stung. Didn't care. I sobbed out loud. I wanted it gone.
I barely noticed the door shaking and the yelling from the other side. I needed to be clean. Sound was coming from me, I couldn't even register what I was saying, all I knew was that I needed him gone. I needed it gone. There was a loud crash and then the shower curtain was thrown open.
Gunner grabbed my shoulders and shook me once, then twice. I realized then that I was screaming, “Get him off of me! Get him off of me!” I scrubbed at my back as I rocked back and forth.
Next thing I knew, Gunner, still in his jeans, was in the tub crouched down in front of me. “Shh, Mouse. Shh. It’s okay.” He grabbed my wrists and pulled them in front of us. “As soon as it’s healed completely, I’ll either have a plastic surgeon take a look at it, or we’ll get it tattooed. It won’t be much longer, but you’re destroying the good skin. You have to stop. Have to let it heal.” His voice calmed me in the way that only Gunner’s could.
I realized I was quiet again, and I was no longer screaming. I was staring into his hazel eyes, and could almost see the boy I once knew. He was different too. There was so much behind his eyes. There was the look he always gave me, that felt reserved for me, but there was pain there too.
Chapter Nineteen Gunner
She spoke. It was pain-filled and broken, but it was her. “Mouse, you’re safe. He’ll never come near you again. He’ll never hurt you again. We’ll get it taken care of,” I tried to reassure her.
She shivered, and I let her wrist go to turn up the temperature of the water. “Let’s get you washed since you're in here, yeah?” I grabbed the wash cup I left in here when I helped Gun with his hair. Teaching that boy to shower on his own was definitely on my priority list when this shit settled. I poured some water over her hair and grabbed the green shampoo bottle from the side of the tub. I took care with her scalp as I lathered, and then I pushed her hair over her shoulder so that when I rinsed not as much fell on her back.
Her beautiful nipples that were a shade between pink and brown peeked out from behind her knees that were drawn to her chest. My body, reflexively, began to react. Now was not the time, but even in her broken state, she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I looked away and closed my eyes as my nostrils flared. I inhaled trying to will away my hard on. I opened them and accidentally caught a glimpse of her pink soft flesh between her legs, only there was dark bruising right alongside it. It was nearly black, and judging by how her other bruises already began to fade, these were the worst. My dick was instantly soft and I unconsciously gripped Charlie’s arm. It was to steady myself, but then her worried eyes caught me by surprise. I loosened my grip and murmured, “Sorry.” She caught the look in my eyes and I felt so much rage and then shame that she saw it. She didn’t need my shit on top of what she was already dealing with, but it pained me to see it. I knew if I didn't let out this rage that was burrowing deep within me soon, something bad would happen.
“I would’ve thought some caseworker would’ve told you. But then, I couldn't find where you went so… God, I wish you could tell me.” He let out a large breath and continued, “It was like you vanished. I must’ve searched every group home and foster home in all of Ohio. I searched for years. I was in a bad way. I hated that I’d lost you. I can only imagine what you thought.”
He’d searched for me? For years? I’d left Ohio. What if I’d stayed? Oh, I probably would’ve been arrested, but I couldn't believe he looked. I’d convinced myself over the years that I was just another notch in the never-ending bedpost of Gunner Reed’s. This story went against so many things I’d believed. By the time he finished telling me of how he walked away, my emotions were in overdrive.
I placed my hand on his arm to stop him from continuing. He could tell I needed a moment. I grabbed the robe that was near, cinched it tight letting the sheet that was covering me fall away, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I gave a head nod towards the restroom. He began to lift me and I stopped him with a shake of my head. I could walk.
I saw in his eyes that he didn't like this, but I needed to get stronger. I needed to stand on my own two feet.
He followed closely behind me.
“Mom!” Gun shouted setting down a controller to the game that he was very obviously kicking Reggie’s butt at. He rushed towards me, threw his arms around my waist, and declared, “You’re up!”
I squeezed my arms around him and held him for a moment.
“Mom’s gotta use the bathroom, Gun,” Gunner said softly.
Gun dropped his arms, gave me a grin and said, “This game rocks!”
I did my best to grin back, even though it was forced, and made my way to the bathroom. Gunner attempted to follow me in, I put up a hand to stop him. I didn't want him to go in with me. I could do this on my own.
“Mouse,” he ground out, but I ignored him and closed the door. I did my business and then looked in the mirror. The bruising on my face was yellowing, but it wasn't as bad as it was. My cheeks looked hollowed out, and my eyes had a look that would haunt me for a long time to come.
Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to bathe. I couldn't shower. I didn’t want to think about my showers in the dungeon, so I turned on the water for a bath and pushed the stopper. I dropped my robe to the floor and looked at my body in the mirror hanging on the back of the door. My ribs protruded a little and were covered in shades of yellow and blue. I moved to the side and saw my back, finally able to see the extent of the damage. A loud gasp escaped my throat.
“Charlie?” Gunner wanted to know if everything was okay. I needed to face this on my own. I turned the lock on the handle a moment before Gunner tried to come in. The gashes were healing. They were just more scars. I was already cut wide open on the inside, these just clued Gunner in on a little of the pain on the outside. What made me truly gasp was his initials--the ES, branded on my skin.
I wanted it off. I knew there was something there, but seeing those letters etched in my skin made me feel vile, like somehow, even in this bathroom, he still had a part of me. I sat in the warm water and grabbed a washcloth that was left hanging from the last person who used it. I didn’t care. The water stung on my back. I didn't care about that either. I began to scrub. The harder I scrubbed, the more the water stung. Didn't care. I sobbed out loud. I wanted it gone.
I barely noticed the door shaking and the yelling from the other side. I needed to be clean. Sound was coming from me, I couldn't even register what I was saying, all I knew was that I needed him gone. I needed it gone. There was a loud crash and then the shower curtain was thrown open.
Gunner grabbed my shoulders and shook me once, then twice. I realized then that I was screaming, “Get him off of me! Get him off of me!” I scrubbed at my back as I rocked back and forth.
Next thing I knew, Gunner, still in his jeans, was in the tub crouched down in front of me. “Shh, Mouse. Shh. It’s okay.” He grabbed my wrists and pulled them in front of us. “As soon as it’s healed completely, I’ll either have a plastic surgeon take a look at it, or we’ll get it tattooed. It won’t be much longer, but you’re destroying the good skin. You have to stop. Have to let it heal.” His voice calmed me in the way that only Gunner’s could.
I realized I was quiet again, and I was no longer screaming. I was staring into his hazel eyes, and could almost see the boy I once knew. He was different too. There was so much behind his eyes. There was the look he always gave me, that felt reserved for me, but there was pain there too.
Chapter Nineteen Gunner
She spoke. It was pain-filled and broken, but it was her. “Mouse, you’re safe. He’ll never come near you again. He’ll never hurt you again. We’ll get it taken care of,” I tried to reassure her.
She shivered, and I let her wrist go to turn up the temperature of the water. “Let’s get you washed since you're in here, yeah?” I grabbed the wash cup I left in here when I helped Gun with his hair. Teaching that boy to shower on his own was definitely on my priority list when this shit settled. I poured some water over her hair and grabbed the green shampoo bottle from the side of the tub. I took care with her scalp as I lathered, and then I pushed her hair over her shoulder so that when I rinsed not as much fell on her back.
Her beautiful nipples that were a shade between pink and brown peeked out from behind her knees that were drawn to her chest. My body, reflexively, began to react. Now was not the time, but even in her broken state, she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I looked away and closed my eyes as my nostrils flared. I inhaled trying to will away my hard on. I opened them and accidentally caught a glimpse of her pink soft flesh between her legs, only there was dark bruising right alongside it. It was nearly black, and judging by how her other bruises already began to fade, these were the worst. My dick was instantly soft and I unconsciously gripped Charlie’s arm. It was to steady myself, but then her worried eyes caught me by surprise. I loosened my grip and murmured, “Sorry.” She caught the look in my eyes and I felt so much rage and then shame that she saw it. She didn’t need my shit on top of what she was already dealing with, but it pained me to see it. I knew if I didn't let out this rage that was burrowing deep within me soon, something bad would happen.
