“You know, Lila, I’m here for you if you need to talk. I’m hoping we can be friends, so I’m here not only for my idiot cousin, but for you.” Her head rose and her eyes met mine. There was nothing false in her eyes; no acting. She was sincere and straightforward. No games, no gimmicks.
“Where’s Nathan?” I asked.
“He had to run a few errands. It’s just you and me.” She smiled before her attention moved back to her project.
My mouth opened, and I spoke without meaning to. “I’m scared.”
She looked back up and gave me a small smile, her fingers moved to brush a lock of hair behind my ear. “I know, sweetie. Baby steps. You will get through this. I know it’s rough now, but you can lean on me for support – Nathan, George, Sarah, Teresa, Caroline, Andrew, Trent, and Darren – all of us. You’re not alone anymore.”
I froze at her last sentence. “What do you know, Erin?” Her brother-in-law was my therapist, and I knew about doctor-patient confidentiality, but I began to worry.
Her brow scrunched and she shook her head. “I don’t know anything. All I know is that Nathan said you have no family, besides Teresa and her husband.”
I sighed in relief. I didn’t like people knowing the hell I grew up in, because I couldn’t stand the look of pity I always saw in their eyes. I got out, away from them; from him. I went to college, graduated from law school, and had a nice job. I had become something, even when most of the time I still felt like nothing.
I took a deep breath, a bad idea when my ribs cried out in protest. Erin’s words and the sharp pain sparked a memory I was unable to stop from surfacing. It was sudden… I was lost.
My body shook as the memory of each hit, each kick, each pull of my hair, and each slap and punch to my face flashed into my mind. The snap and crunch of my broken bones and the painful breathing they created.
I was unguarded, the memory assaulting me, completely taking over my entire body and mind. I couldn’t get free of it.
“Lila!” Nathan’s voice called out, and I was back. “Are you okay? Talk to me.”
Nathan was there. I didn’t know when he’d returned, but his hands were holding either side of my face, his expression frightened and worried. I couldn’t answer his question because I didn’t know.
Then I noticed wetness from my tears streaming down my face. I glanced over to Erin and saw the fright in her eyes as well, tears also flowing freely down her cheeks.
I pulled Nathan closer, hiding my head in his neck while I tried to calm down. What had I said, what had I done, for Erin to wear that look?
It took a few minutes for me to settle, and I pulled away from his warm embrace. His thumbs brushed my tears away.
“So,” I began, wanting to pull the attention away from me and whatever had happened. “What did you get?”
Nathan regarded me for a moment, checking to make sure I was really okay before grabbing the bags. “Well, I picked up a few television shows I thought you might like, as well as more movies. And I also picked up a Wii game system and about a dozen games to help keep you occupied. We can’t keep watching Jane and Mr. Rochester.” He winked at me.
I stared up at him in disbelief. “That’s a lot of money. You already bought me a movie.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Something to keep you entertained, take your mind off things. Plus, it can be therapeutic.”
I didn’t buy his reasoning, but was happy to have something fun to do while bedridden. Nathan smiled like a kid on Christmas when I asked him about the games he bought. He was so excited, but competitiveness reared when Erin started trash talking him.
Nathan grumbled about Erin cheating on their last game, while a sly smile crept up on Erin’s face. “He’s a sore loser.”
Nathan handed me my next dose of meds, and an hour later I was out again.
Nathan was still carrying on about Erin’s cheating ways even hours later. She did not play fair during their game, and I was awoken by name calling and elbow jabbing. She did make fantastic enchiladas, though.
We spent all of Saturday and Sunday in my bed watching a myriad of movies Nathan picked up. He must have bought fifty movies to keep me occupied.
Teresa and Sarah made their motherly presence known on Sunday, bringing more food. It seemed they both thought I would starve to death in Nathan’s care. Neither stayed very long, as both would be spending a lot of time with me during the week.
I watched as Nathan interacted with both his mom and Teresa. There was no pretense or act—just a guy talking with his mom.
He was joking around with them, mostly with his mom, about food and cooking. According to her, Nathan was not to be trusted in the kitchen, though I think he’d improved since the days of his mother’s memory.
The entire time they were there, and even after, he was touching me: soft caresses and light squeezes. Small little gestures that added up to my being unable to deny what he wanted, which was to be close to me.
At one point, he threw his head back in laughter at something, and I stared in disbelief.
Nathan was a different man than he was before my accident. I began to believe his words that he was altered. He never complained about any of my requests or needs, but carried them out. He mentioned a newfound respect for his family in all they’d done for him in caring for me.
I awoke after a nap on Sunday curled into Nathan’s side. I attempted to retreat, to separate us by rolling on my back. Pain shot through my ribs and my leg. I tried not to make a sound, but it was no use.
Nathan’s eyes snapped open at my noise, and he sat up. His eyes locked onto the clock, then he jumped up from the bed and ran to the kitchen. He returned a short moment later with a fresh glass of water and my next dosage.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I was just repositioning. I was fine until then,” I explained.
His fingers brushed my hair back. “I wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow.”
“Your mom and Teresa will be here. I’ll be well taken care of,” I said to reassure him. His brow scrunched, and I had the feeling he didn’t like my answer.
We spent the remainder of the day playing a few games, nothing too exerting, and watching more movies.
The next morning the alarm went off, and I groaned as I attempted to silence it before realizing it was on Nathan’s nightstand. He rose, picking up a groggy me on his way to the bathroom. I wasn’t quite awake and nuzzled into his neck, my hand clenching his t-shirt. I might not have been with it, but he was correct in thinking I needed to use the facilities.
“Where’s Nathan?” I asked.
“He had to run a few errands. It’s just you and me.” She smiled before her attention moved back to her project.
My mouth opened, and I spoke without meaning to. “I’m scared.”
She looked back up and gave me a small smile, her fingers moved to brush a lock of hair behind my ear. “I know, sweetie. Baby steps. You will get through this. I know it’s rough now, but you can lean on me for support – Nathan, George, Sarah, Teresa, Caroline, Andrew, Trent, and Darren – all of us. You’re not alone anymore.”
I froze at her last sentence. “What do you know, Erin?” Her brother-in-law was my therapist, and I knew about doctor-patient confidentiality, but I began to worry.
Her brow scrunched and she shook her head. “I don’t know anything. All I know is that Nathan said you have no family, besides Teresa and her husband.”
I sighed in relief. I didn’t like people knowing the hell I grew up in, because I couldn’t stand the look of pity I always saw in their eyes. I got out, away from them; from him. I went to college, graduated from law school, and had a nice job. I had become something, even when most of the time I still felt like nothing.
I took a deep breath, a bad idea when my ribs cried out in protest. Erin’s words and the sharp pain sparked a memory I was unable to stop from surfacing. It was sudden… I was lost.
My body shook as the memory of each hit, each kick, each pull of my hair, and each slap and punch to my face flashed into my mind. The snap and crunch of my broken bones and the painful breathing they created.
I was unguarded, the memory assaulting me, completely taking over my entire body and mind. I couldn’t get free of it.
“Lila!” Nathan’s voice called out, and I was back. “Are you okay? Talk to me.”
Nathan was there. I didn’t know when he’d returned, but his hands were holding either side of my face, his expression frightened and worried. I couldn’t answer his question because I didn’t know.
Then I noticed wetness from my tears streaming down my face. I glanced over to Erin and saw the fright in her eyes as well, tears also flowing freely down her cheeks.
I pulled Nathan closer, hiding my head in his neck while I tried to calm down. What had I said, what had I done, for Erin to wear that look?
It took a few minutes for me to settle, and I pulled away from his warm embrace. His thumbs brushed my tears away.
“So,” I began, wanting to pull the attention away from me and whatever had happened. “What did you get?”
Nathan regarded me for a moment, checking to make sure I was really okay before grabbing the bags. “Well, I picked up a few television shows I thought you might like, as well as more movies. And I also picked up a Wii game system and about a dozen games to help keep you occupied. We can’t keep watching Jane and Mr. Rochester.” He winked at me.
I stared up at him in disbelief. “That’s a lot of money. You already bought me a movie.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “Something to keep you entertained, take your mind off things. Plus, it can be therapeutic.”
I didn’t buy his reasoning, but was happy to have something fun to do while bedridden. Nathan smiled like a kid on Christmas when I asked him about the games he bought. He was so excited, but competitiveness reared when Erin started trash talking him.
Nathan grumbled about Erin cheating on their last game, while a sly smile crept up on Erin’s face. “He’s a sore loser.”
Nathan handed me my next dose of meds, and an hour later I was out again.
Nathan was still carrying on about Erin’s cheating ways even hours later. She did not play fair during their game, and I was awoken by name calling and elbow jabbing. She did make fantastic enchiladas, though.
We spent all of Saturday and Sunday in my bed watching a myriad of movies Nathan picked up. He must have bought fifty movies to keep me occupied.
Teresa and Sarah made their motherly presence known on Sunday, bringing more food. It seemed they both thought I would starve to death in Nathan’s care. Neither stayed very long, as both would be spending a lot of time with me during the week.
I watched as Nathan interacted with both his mom and Teresa. There was no pretense or act—just a guy talking with his mom.
He was joking around with them, mostly with his mom, about food and cooking. According to her, Nathan was not to be trusted in the kitchen, though I think he’d improved since the days of his mother’s memory.
The entire time they were there, and even after, he was touching me: soft caresses and light squeezes. Small little gestures that added up to my being unable to deny what he wanted, which was to be close to me.
At one point, he threw his head back in laughter at something, and I stared in disbelief.
Nathan was a different man than he was before my accident. I began to believe his words that he was altered. He never complained about any of my requests or needs, but carried them out. He mentioned a newfound respect for his family in all they’d done for him in caring for me.
I awoke after a nap on Sunday curled into Nathan’s side. I attempted to retreat, to separate us by rolling on my back. Pain shot through my ribs and my leg. I tried not to make a sound, but it was no use.
Nathan’s eyes snapped open at my noise, and he sat up. His eyes locked onto the clock, then he jumped up from the bed and ran to the kitchen. He returned a short moment later with a fresh glass of water and my next dosage.
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I was just repositioning. I was fine until then,” I explained.
His fingers brushed my hair back. “I wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow.”
“Your mom and Teresa will be here. I’ll be well taken care of,” I said to reassure him. His brow scrunched, and I had the feeling he didn’t like my answer.
We spent the remainder of the day playing a few games, nothing too exerting, and watching more movies.
The next morning the alarm went off, and I groaned as I attempted to silence it before realizing it was on Nathan’s nightstand. He rose, picking up a groggy me on his way to the bathroom. I wasn’t quite awake and nuzzled into his neck, my hand clenching his t-shirt. I might not have been with it, but he was correct in thinking I needed to use the facilities.
