The heat of their death glares had me smiling in victory as my savior arrived.
“Hey, Delilah. Welcome back. Ready to get the show on the road?” Owen asked, interrupting our little chat. It was a good thing too, because Jennifer looked like she wanted to deck me.
Yes, hit the wheelchair-bound woman. That sounds like a great idea. I’d love to see you fired.
Owen took hold of the chair and pushed his way past the Boob Squad. Their glares were burning a hole in the back of my head as we went.
“Nice going. Though, they’ll be screaming about you later.”
“Screw them. I’ve had a really shitty month, and I don’t see why I should put up with their f**king high school bullying ways,” I seethed. My blood pressure was rising, creating a throbbing in my leg. “I hope a stray dart punctures one of their silicone br**sts to give them something truly upsetting to worry their small brains about, then they can forget I’m even here.”
Owen and I settled down at my desk, I avoided Nathan, and went over what Owen had been doing in my stead. He had a few questions and a few items that needed some work, but all in all he was doing a very good job. I could see him getting the job full-time if Nathan or I ever left.
The mountains were still there, as to be expected, but at least the files hadn’t grown too much with my absence and Nathan’s reduced hours.
Andrew came in right at noon to take me home, interrupting Owen and I as we worked on a more intricate case. Nathan and Andrew shared a look; I wasn’t quite sure if they were back to being okay with one another or not.
“Ready, Lila?”
I yawned and nodded. I hadn’t expected how much being at work for only a few hours would affect me, but I was really tired.
I waved at Nathan and Owen as Andrew wheeled me away. “See you guys later.”
Over the next few days, it felt like I was seeing Andrew more than Nathan. He decided to take the afternoon off; we went to the movies and grabbed some dinner. I let Nathan know, of course. I needed to get out, and that was difficult with Nathan. Between his mood, his control issues, and our need to hide our…relationship, or whatever you would call us, we couldn’t go out together. So, I felt guilty, but I was also happy as a lark to be out of my condo.
I knew Nathan wasn’t thrilled I was spending so much time with Andrew, but I was so restless and it provided me a much needed lifeline. It was more than that; Nathan wasn’t fun to be around as of late. Spending time with him made me sad as I watched the rift between us grow, unable to stop it. After all the progress, there we were, back to square one. Only this time, there was no sex. Square zero, if there was such a thing. Strangers who were anything but strangers. Nathan knew me better than anyone. Anyone.
That was why his behavior hurt so much. Why I needed an escape and turned to the person who knew me second best, besides Caroline.
“Why are you so…sullen lately?” Andrew asked on the drive home. “I mean, he f**ked up, but I thought you’d be, I don’t know, happy to have him back. Am I wrong in the way I’m reading things here?”
I shook my head. “Things are…things are complicated.”
“Complicated, how? Haven’t you had it out?”
Tears welled in my eyes. “He… I don’t know…” The tears began to stream down my cheeks.
“Hey, hey.” Andrew pulled the car over and reached toward me, his thumbs brushing away my tears. “Tell me.”
It all came pouring out: my insecurities, my loneliness, Nathan’s distance.
“If he doesn’t want to take care of you, let me. I’ll take care of you.”
“Thanks, Drew. I just…need to find out what’s going on.”
I cried on his shoulder the remainder of the way home.
Nathan had me crying, something I hadn’t done in almost ten years until I met him. The first time tears came to my eyes was when I saw his scars, because I could only imagine what he had gone through to get them.
Andrew dropped me off after our movie/dinner outing and had me laughing about something as we entered my condo, Nathan glared at us. The laughter stopped and my chest tightened as I tried not to believe the feelings he was evoking in me, but I couldn’t stop them.
I thought about what Andrew said that night and decided to approach Nathan about his idea. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, having Andrew stay and help me with everything, but being with Nathan every moment throughout the evening was killing me inside.
“You know, Andrew…Andrew offered to take over tonight if you wanted a night off.” I struggled to get the words out, my fingers twisting in my lap.
Nathan’s eyes grew wide, and he turned to look at me. I didn’t think I’d grown a second head, but by the expression he held, I was wondering where the closest mirror was so I could check.
“Out of the question,” he growled through clenched teeth.
“Well, that’s fine. It was just an offer. I’ll be on my way.” Andrew leaned down to kiss my cheek and give my shoulder a squeeze.
“Thanks, Drew.”
Nathan was livid, based on the expression on his face.
I watched as Andrew left, somewhat afraid to look at Nathan. Still, my eyes found him, and he was staring at me in silence.
He stood and paced, his head snapping to look at me, his mouth opening as if to say something but no words came out. After a few rounds of this, he turned and stood in front of me, his chest heaving as he glared down at me in utter disgust.
He clenched his fists and put them at the sides of his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He was reaching his boiling point.
He didn’t say a word, merely opened his eyes, which were black with ire, then turned and left, slamming the door behind him. The damn crying picked up again, and I was sobbing into my hands.
He didn’t want me in any way anymore. I’d f**ked everything up. Again.
I called Caroline a few minutes later in a blubbering mess, unable to control all the emotions flooding from me. Being the good friend she was, she rushed right over.
I needed to learn how to be a better friend.
When she arrived, I told her what had happened and a little bit about Nathan’s change, but she pressed me to tell her every last depressing detail. She then helped me change into something to sleep in, and onto the bed and under the covers.
My chest, which had been relatively quiet throughout the week, was now angry. Caroline laid me down on the bed, stroking my hair, as I settled.
“Hey, Delilah. Welcome back. Ready to get the show on the road?” Owen asked, interrupting our little chat. It was a good thing too, because Jennifer looked like she wanted to deck me.
Yes, hit the wheelchair-bound woman. That sounds like a great idea. I’d love to see you fired.
Owen took hold of the chair and pushed his way past the Boob Squad. Their glares were burning a hole in the back of my head as we went.
“Nice going. Though, they’ll be screaming about you later.”
“Screw them. I’ve had a really shitty month, and I don’t see why I should put up with their f**king high school bullying ways,” I seethed. My blood pressure was rising, creating a throbbing in my leg. “I hope a stray dart punctures one of their silicone br**sts to give them something truly upsetting to worry their small brains about, then they can forget I’m even here.”
Owen and I settled down at my desk, I avoided Nathan, and went over what Owen had been doing in my stead. He had a few questions and a few items that needed some work, but all in all he was doing a very good job. I could see him getting the job full-time if Nathan or I ever left.
The mountains were still there, as to be expected, but at least the files hadn’t grown too much with my absence and Nathan’s reduced hours.
Andrew came in right at noon to take me home, interrupting Owen and I as we worked on a more intricate case. Nathan and Andrew shared a look; I wasn’t quite sure if they were back to being okay with one another or not.
“Ready, Lila?”
I yawned and nodded. I hadn’t expected how much being at work for only a few hours would affect me, but I was really tired.
I waved at Nathan and Owen as Andrew wheeled me away. “See you guys later.”
Over the next few days, it felt like I was seeing Andrew more than Nathan. He decided to take the afternoon off; we went to the movies and grabbed some dinner. I let Nathan know, of course. I needed to get out, and that was difficult with Nathan. Between his mood, his control issues, and our need to hide our…relationship, or whatever you would call us, we couldn’t go out together. So, I felt guilty, but I was also happy as a lark to be out of my condo.
I knew Nathan wasn’t thrilled I was spending so much time with Andrew, but I was so restless and it provided me a much needed lifeline. It was more than that; Nathan wasn’t fun to be around as of late. Spending time with him made me sad as I watched the rift between us grow, unable to stop it. After all the progress, there we were, back to square one. Only this time, there was no sex. Square zero, if there was such a thing. Strangers who were anything but strangers. Nathan knew me better than anyone. Anyone.
That was why his behavior hurt so much. Why I needed an escape and turned to the person who knew me second best, besides Caroline.
“Why are you so…sullen lately?” Andrew asked on the drive home. “I mean, he f**ked up, but I thought you’d be, I don’t know, happy to have him back. Am I wrong in the way I’m reading things here?”
I shook my head. “Things are…things are complicated.”
“Complicated, how? Haven’t you had it out?”
Tears welled in my eyes. “He… I don’t know…” The tears began to stream down my cheeks.
“Hey, hey.” Andrew pulled the car over and reached toward me, his thumbs brushing away my tears. “Tell me.”
It all came pouring out: my insecurities, my loneliness, Nathan’s distance.
“If he doesn’t want to take care of you, let me. I’ll take care of you.”
“Thanks, Drew. I just…need to find out what’s going on.”
I cried on his shoulder the remainder of the way home.
Nathan had me crying, something I hadn’t done in almost ten years until I met him. The first time tears came to my eyes was when I saw his scars, because I could only imagine what he had gone through to get them.
Andrew dropped me off after our movie/dinner outing and had me laughing about something as we entered my condo, Nathan glared at us. The laughter stopped and my chest tightened as I tried not to believe the feelings he was evoking in me, but I couldn’t stop them.
I thought about what Andrew said that night and decided to approach Nathan about his idea. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, having Andrew stay and help me with everything, but being with Nathan every moment throughout the evening was killing me inside.
“You know, Andrew…Andrew offered to take over tonight if you wanted a night off.” I struggled to get the words out, my fingers twisting in my lap.
Nathan’s eyes grew wide, and he turned to look at me. I didn’t think I’d grown a second head, but by the expression he held, I was wondering where the closest mirror was so I could check.
“Out of the question,” he growled through clenched teeth.
“Well, that’s fine. It was just an offer. I’ll be on my way.” Andrew leaned down to kiss my cheek and give my shoulder a squeeze.
“Thanks, Drew.”
Nathan was livid, based on the expression on his face.
I watched as Andrew left, somewhat afraid to look at Nathan. Still, my eyes found him, and he was staring at me in silence.
He stood and paced, his head snapping to look at me, his mouth opening as if to say something but no words came out. After a few rounds of this, he turned and stood in front of me, his chest heaving as he glared down at me in utter disgust.
He clenched his fists and put them at the sides of his head, squeezing his eyes shut. He was reaching his boiling point.
He didn’t say a word, merely opened his eyes, which were black with ire, then turned and left, slamming the door behind him. The damn crying picked up again, and I was sobbing into my hands.
He didn’t want me in any way anymore. I’d f**ked everything up. Again.
I called Caroline a few minutes later in a blubbering mess, unable to control all the emotions flooding from me. Being the good friend she was, she rushed right over.
I needed to learn how to be a better friend.
When she arrived, I told her what had happened and a little bit about Nathan’s change, but she pressed me to tell her every last depressing detail. She then helped me change into something to sleep in, and onto the bed and under the covers.
My chest, which had been relatively quiet throughout the week, was now angry. Caroline laid me down on the bed, stroking my hair, as I settled.
